


Defining Happiness

by AnnetheCatDetective



Series: PR Prompt- Happy Families Series [1]
Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Canon Disabled Character, First Kiss, First Meetings, First Time, Jaeger Academy, M/M, Pre-Movie, Secret Marriage, Their passionate exchange of letters, Trans Newt, Trans Newton Geiszler, but not really secret
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-06
Updated: 2017-01-22
Packaged: 2018-03-21 13:13:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3693563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnetheCatDetective/pseuds/AnnetheCatDetective
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Okay, so. On the kink meme, there was a Newt mpreg request, where he and Hermann had fallen in love at first sight, been married the whole time, and then during the whole dangerous drifting and whatnot, Newt knows he's pregnant and Hermann finds out only after the second drift, and then they have a kid. And I started filling it... but I lost steam and realized I REALLY wanted to go back to the beginning to their first meeting and their falling in love and all of that.</p><p>So. This is that story. If you don't care for pregnancy/kid fics, this fic will not contain any of that. This is just Newt and Hermann falling in love, bickering a lot anyway, and having a wartime marriage that no one really seems to know about despite their not taking pains to keep it secret, because everyone assumes they hate each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Passionate Correspondence

**Author's Note:**

> (Also- Newt experiences some dysphoria over his chest, but none over his genitals. He's choosy about what he does with them and who he involves, but has no angst about how they're configured and his philosophy regarding what he does with them either by himself or with a trusted partner is 'if it feels good, do it'. He has a supportive father, a less supportive mother, and eventually, a very supportive Hermann)

Newt hopes it isn't creepy to google the guy who's one of the best things ever to happen to you-- although, even if it isn't, he's spent so long searching for and poring over every mention he can find of Dr. Hermann Gottlieb that he may have crossed the line.

 

Hermann's barely older than he is, a mathematician and aspiring physicist from TU Berlin, and Newt feels an odd mix of emotions at the knowledge that Hermann is living in the city where Newt had been born, where most correspondence from his mother is postmarked from. Where she returned to after leaving him with his dad and going off to reconcile with her old husband... It was weird to think that Hermann might pass his mom on the street and never know who she was.

 

Judging by the articles, Newt guesses Hermann could understand having complicated feelings about a parent. There wasn't a single mention of Hermann and his career that didn't mention Dr. Lars Gottlieb at least once. Lars Gottlieb and his forceful personality, his forceful intellect, his legacy in the person of his middle son... Hermann looks pinched and tired in photographs, and awkward, looks like he's been dressed up to look the part of an academic and made to pose too long, and Newt feels for the guy, but he also can't help noticing Hermann's eyelashes, his sharp cheekbones and the shape of his mouth.

 

Thinking about Hermann's situation makes Newt feel like not pursuing music was probably for the best, because he can just imagine if every mention of him ever came with a reminder of how accomplished his mother was and how beautiful her voice is, how beautiful she is. Hell, probably also a mention of how his uncle had basically engineered and created an entire Sound. Probably a name-drop of all the people who clamored to work with him that were more famous and successful than Newt would ever be. At least in academia, he doesn't have to worry about that.

 

Hermann supports his more out-there ideas, even as he encourages him to think critically and to move forward with caution when presenting any work. He acts as a sounding board, and Newt does his best to do the same whenever Hermann needs to work through a problem on his end. Most importantly, Hermann shares his passion, in learning as much as possible about the kaiju, something no one at MIT really does. Not the same way that Newt cares about them. The whole world may share an anxious, fearful occupation with them ever since Trespasser, but Hermann is the only person Newt knows whose passion for discovery and understanding matches his own.

 

Outside of his own fields of study, Hermann is into computers, and admits to being good with them in a humble kind of way, but professes to have little understanding of the 'squishy' sciences. It's an assertion he had made without condescension, and he's done some outside reading to help him understand Newt's work, and Newt loves that. He doesn't have many friends outside of the biology department-- if he's honest, he doesn't have _that_ many within the biology department-- just because he's never been able to carry on much of a relationship with anyone he couldn't enthuse about his work to, and it means a lot that Hermann actually studies up on biology so that he can dig everything Newt writes about, so that he can follow Newt's progress with artificial tissue and know what's really going on. Newt really wants to return the favor there, and he feels like he can get a lot about space, but not so much about the higher math, and where Hermann knows about a machine's brain, Newt's more familiar with the guts.

 

Still, they connect. Newt is pretty sure that the two of them could team up to do something awesome, between Hermann's apparent skill writing code and Newt's own abilities in mechanical engineering, skills he learned from his uncle, and learned to apply outside of music as well. If it wasn't for the kaiju, at least, Newt thinks they could... but they have bigger fish to fry, bigger things to put their collective brainpower to.

 

\---/-/---

 

It hadn't taken long for Dr. Newton Geiszler to become one of the most important people in Hermann's life... and a rather intimidating one, in some ways. Hermann is still trying to work towards his PhD in physics, he's barely a doctor of maths, newly-minted, and Newton, a year younger, is already teaching at MIT, already working on an exciting research project replicating artificial tissue... It's groundbreaking, with real-world applications, and Hermann hasn't accomplished anything like that yet.

 

He tries to remind himself that very few people his age have PhDs at all, and that mathematics is a field where getting through the process as quickly as he had is rare, that many people don't make it through the process at all... but ever since he'd learned that Newton was a year younger, he's felt a little dazzled by him. A little surprised to have his opinions wanted and valued by a man who was clearly beyond brilliant.

 

And yet, Newton seeks his opinions out and it sounds in the letters as though he really does listen.

 

It's Newton who values bravery, where Hermann has always relied upon caution. Hermann isn't sure which it is he errs on the side of, when he follows his father to a job working with the PPDC. It means putting his academic career on hold, but it puts him closer. Closer to the kaiju problem, maybe closer to some answers. He wishes that he could tell Newt everything. The non-disclosure agreements are long and the penalties severe, and so he can't tell about the real world giant robots that he's helping to code, he can't even say that he's writing code for the PPDC at all, and that alone would be exciting enough news.

 

When his stint coding ends, he has choices. Work as his father's assistant, work at his PhD... or enlist himself in the brand new Jaeger academy. He won't be a Ranger-- he knows that much straight off. But there's a whole field of kaiju study-- K-Science-- where he could work, where he could gather data to really predict not only the timing of the attacks, but maybe even the outcomes, the locations... maybe finally find out just where the kaiju are coming from and how to put a stop to it. There's so much he could do if he was just on the inside, and this is the one way to do it. The academy is still mandatory for anyone who isn't asked on by the PPDC, regardless of where they intend to do their part.

 

At least with any luck, he could turn any physics work he did for the K-Sci department into a dissertation. That's the thing he keeps telling himself, when his brain threatens to completely lose itself at the thought of quitting his academic progress. Besides, what good would a PhD in physics even do him, if the world was ending?

 

It's definitely bravery and not caution that drives him to enroll in the academy. He's never felt more excited to have news to write to Newton with.

 

\---/-/---

 

_Dear Dr. Geiszler, PhD,_

 

_Newton, I have news. I'm sure by now you've heard about the Jaeger program and the academy, and if you haven't, I'm enclosing some links to articles and to the official site. I've been unable to talk about the work I was contracted to do for the PPDC, and it has been difficult to keep quiet in our letters. It's been so exciting to be a part of this, and I feel like I have so much more to contribute._

 

_I'm going into the academy. I want to work in the PPDC's sciences. There's a lot to be learned and to be done, and the atmosphere is so invigorating getting to be on the cutting edge of it all. It's going to be hard work, and I admit I am nervous about it. It would be hard not to be. But everything is going to be so worth it if I can keep working with the PPDC. Everything I've played with so far using the data publicly available is just a fraction of what I'll be able to do once I'm working with the mathematicians and physicists in the K-Science department._

 

_I'm shipping out to Alaska soon. I wanted you to be one of the first to know, and to know about all of it._

 

_Newton, K-Science isn't all math and physics-- they need biologists who can figure out just how the kaiju operate. I can't imagine anyone has put as much thought into the subject as you have. The academy training is, I think, more a formality for those in science and technology, to help make us all part of the greater unit, or something like that. I've been assured that failing to meet the physical challenges won't see me dismissed from the program, it's more the spirit of the thing. I don't know how it will go. I am nervous. But this is where I feel I need to be. And maybe it's where you need to be, as well._

 

_Think about it. I know you've been itching to get your hands on 'real' samples and that the bone slides that Stanford sent to you at MIT only made you hungrier for more. You could have that, if you could come with me._

 

_Very sincerely yours,_

_Dr. Hermann Gottlieb, PhD_

 

\---/-/---

 

_Hermann,_

 

_DUDE. I'm a little incoherent right now, but dude._

 

_This is amazing. I read over the links three times each, I can't even. My hands are shaking, for reals shaking._

 

_I can't leave this project now. There's another year before I can, and artificial tissue is seriously a big deal to me right now, if it wasn't I'd drop it in a heartbeat to get to look at some real kaiju pieces. But with Kaiju Blue leading to massive organ failure and sufferers being written off of donor lists completely..._

 

_I mean fuck, if I could just keep a tank full of kidneys, you know? Of lungs or livers or even hearts. If we could get working organs that wouldn't be rejected by weakened host bodies, we could give more people a chance at staying alive long enough to find a cure, and that's something... Look, maybe it's a pipe dream. But even if it is, there are so many other medical applications for what I'm doing on that I can't leave the project until this phase wraps._

 

_I mean, I kind of know I'm just dreaming, about a lot of things, but dreams get us someplace better than we used to be, even the dreams that can't come true. Shoot for the moon and at least you'll land in the stars, right? Well, no, you probably want to tell me about how that's completely backwards, but what's wrong with shooting for the stars and landing on the moon? It's still good._

 

_But you KNOW as soon as I can I'm THERE._

 

_-*Newt*_

_PS can't believe you're still so formal even when I can tell you must've been shaking with excitement too. You don't have to address every email you send me all formal, we're on a first-name basis._


	2. Letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The epistolary chapter.
> 
> In which Newt and Hermann's relationship moves from 'fascinating scientific discourse' to 'tell me all about your day' while Hermann is at the Jaeger academy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't every letter to pass between them during this period, but it starts with some direct back and forth and it's the significant beats hit. At this point, as they slide into being close personal acquaintances (who are also trying to figure out the whole kaiju problem), they're emailing at least once a day so that they can share information, toss theories back and forth, and... well, there gets to be more and more 'and'.

_ Dear Dr. Geiszler, _

 

_ I've arrived safely in Alaska and been taken up to the academy. I've been assigned to living quarters and given some time to get myself settled, and then it was orientation. There are only nine of us right now, and seven of those are in Ranger training, to pilot the Jaegers. There's a physicist, though, who's going through training for the same reasons that I am. We'd actually 'met' before-- not over close correspondence the way that you and I have gotten to know each other, but we worked on a problem together once, long distance. I'm hoping to be able to discuss some questions together, if we ever get the chance to talk about academics. We'll see, I suppose. He was involved in the project that got me noticed by the PPDC, we really only knew each other as names on a short list. _

 

_ We all start in the morning. Anyone who arrives after tomorrow will have a lot of catching up to do, or so they tell us. And real latecomers would graduate the program late as well, but things are flexible by nature. It all comes down to who is able to achieve a stable drift. It sounds like an incredible experience, the way it's been described to us. Fantastic in the truest sense of the word-- you'd hardly believe a thing like this could be real. _

 

_ I look forward to hearing from you. I already feel the distance from home keenly, and your letters have a way of giving me something to focus on, to take my mind off of any personal problems. _

 

_ Very sincerely Yours, _

_ Dr. Hermann Gottlieb _

 

\---/-/---

 

_ Hermann, _

 

_ Sounds seriously awesome. Glad you're not the only PhD in the bunch! Do you get to tell me about the project that got the PPDC hounding after your brains? _

 

_ Been talking to my dept. head, btw-- negotiating my release, haha. After this phase of the tissue project has wrapped, I'm not needed here anymore, and they honestly don't need me to teach. He's ready to agree I can do the most good there. Dr. Barrie also thinks it's the best thing I can do. Well, Dr. Barrie thinks I should be working with you and generally that the fact that I have any kind of friends outside bio is a good thing, so. Basically all signs point to yes for next year. Don’t get too far ahead of me, yeah? _

 

_ -*Newt* _

 

\---/-/---

 

_ Dear Dr. Newton Geiszler, _

  
_ Now that the Jaegers are public knowledge, there's no harm in it. They asked me to work on a piece of the coding because of some work I'd done on a largely theoretical project about mining asteroids for minerals and terraforming other planets. Well, the part where we would land the robot off-planet was purely theoretical, but there were some small test robots programmed and built, just to show off what a humanoid machine could do if the controls systems were delicate enough. I was working on the space side, but it would be a good way to explore the ocean depths. Safer than a dive suit, but if done right, more maneuverable and deft than any non-piloted submarine robot we have now. The body itself needs to be build to different specifications, but the piloting system would be the same.   
_

 

_No one had a way to fix the issues with long-distance piloting. That's something we are doing with various things, and there are just too many problems easily compounded by undersea or space... It means the Jaegers can't be safely piloted from within the Shatterdome, of course, even if the kaiju makes landfall. A lag in commands that wouldn't be serious in another situation could lead to massive civilian casualties if things go wrong fighting a kaiju. I trust that someday someone will work the issue out so that our theoretical work can become practical-- you see, a rover's only job on Mars is to explore and learn and transmit its findings, and so giving it the ability to do so rather freely is for the best. It follows the most natural pathways it can and with the programming already set, needs very little in the way of outside direction after being made operational. All we have to do is sit back and rake in the results._ _But were we to terraform Mars, we would run into situations we have never had real practice for. Things that might require a human to make real-time decisions about what's best for the mission, and tasks which require a human's dexterity and judgment. But a colony of humans living on Mars would suffer so many negative impacts to their health that a group of men and women in top physical condition would barely survive more than two months living there. If we could iron out the last of the issues with long-distance piloting--_ truly l _ong distance, moreso than any long-distance piloting solutions we've put to work here on Earth-- then we could use robot proxies to make Mars livable, rather than send our best and brightest to wither and die._  


 

_ It was very interesting to get to work with the J-tech division in adapting all of my previous coding work to fit the Jaeger project, but I plan on going into K-Science. The kaijus raise so many questions about things we thought we already knew. And they do need mathematicians  and physicists. _

 

_ Is Dr. Barrie one of the biologists at MIT or in another department? Rather, is it a name I should know? _

 

_ Very sincerely yours, _

_ Dr. Hermann Gottlieb _

 

\---/-/---

 

_ Hermann, _

 

_ Dude, first, just... holy shit, I'm still freaking out about the fact that you're one of the guys behind making giant fighting robots a real thing. That's so Eva. I can't wait to see one in person. Have you gotten to see them in person? Do they let you touch them? _

 

_ If terraforming Mars is really important to mankind's future, I'm sure someone will figure out how to get the robots to do it. We're nothing if not resourceful and determined. As a species and as scientists. And if they have to just program farm equipment to act like a rover and just go, how badly could it fuck up Mars? I mean, come on. Yeah, big humanoid robots who till the red soil for us while acting as a long-distance extender of our bodies is super cool and all, but if that's not what happens in the end, it's not like things will be worse than before. _

 

_ Kaiju is its own plural, dude, jsyk.  _

 

_ -*Newt* _

 

_ PS- Dr. Barrie is in the soft sciences actually. Psychiatry. So no one you need to know. We met through my Dad, we talk every so often. _

 

\---/-/---

 

_ Dear Dr. Newton Geiszler, _

 

_ Who is Eva? A girlfriend or a friend or a colleague? Is Eva Dr. Barrie? Sorry, I feel I must be missing something crucial, but it has been exhausting so far. _

 

_ I have not gotten to see the completed Jaeger in person, the tests I was present for were all conducted before the final assembly. They'll be putting more into production soon, though, and the Ranger teams I've seen so far are so promising, Newton, it's wonderful to see. I really believe in this. It's a while before they'll test them for compatibility with the neural handshake, there's some hope that the training will make it easier on all potential teams. Not everyone will make it, but there are two sets of brothers here right now. One of those sets is identical triplets, which feels like a good sign that surely at least two out of the three will be compatible.  _

 

_ I spend most of my time with the recruits for J-Tech and K-Science, of course, but we do get to see a lot of what the Rangers are put through. There's a certain amount of basic training we are all expected to get through.  _

 

_ I am reasonably certain that, when we do have the full working Jaeger and are able to inspect and get to know it as a finished product, someone would be happy to take a picture of me with it. It will have to be quite the low angle if it's to capture much, though... _

 

_ Yours very sincerely, _

_ Dr. Hermann Gottlieb _

 

_ PS- The soil on Mars is perhaps not the red we all imagine! The color in the images that Viking sent us in the seventies certainly is, but there's no telling how to balance the color in photographs to replicate what our eyes would see, what with the variables, in atmospheric conditions and light-- and the variables within human eyesight alone, as our eyes don't always see the way that a camera sees. Many of the pictures we have now from Curiosity are more yellow-tan brown, but some rocks seem red... There are arguments on the subject going on right now. The debate is surprisingly heated in some circles. _

 

\---/-/---

 

_ Hermann, _

 

_ Eva isn't a person, sorry-- Neon Genesis Evangelion. You've built giant fighting robots and you haven't seen Neon Genesis Evangelion? Get on that!  _

 

_ I seriously wish I was there doing it too, there's so much I need to know that can't even be told, I just need to be and do... _

 

_If you get a picture of you with a Jaeger, you've_ got _to send it to me!_

 

_ -*Newt* _

 

_ PS- Space nerds are arguing about the dirt on Mars now and it's heated? Hermann, some of your colleagues need to get out more. Why has no one outside of space nerdia heard about Mars not being red?! (please tell me you're not super invested in this srry) _

 

\---/-/---

 

_ Dear Dr. Newton Geiszler, _

 

_ Eventually I'm sure I will. It's hard to get on anything new right now. Basic training is, as I've said, exhausting. The summary I saw online is interesting, but I just can't devote that kind of time to a series. _

 

_ I am not 'super invested in' the debate over the color of Mars. It could be more red, we just don't really know. A lot of this was happening in 2013, the early photographs from Curiosity hit only a few months before Trespasser did. Just as people were beginning to work up steam and try to find each other to debate the true color of Mars... Well, you know. We all suddenly found ourselves with bigger things to think about. _

 

_ Yours very sincerely, _

_ Dr. Hermann Gottlieb _

 

\---/-/---

 

_ Dear Dr. Newton Geiszler, _

 

_ How are things at MIT? Tell me a story about academia. Anything. _

 

_ I don't have any regrets, but a part of me misses the atmosphere. There was certainly less strenuous physical exercise. _

 

_ Yours very sincerely, _

_ Dr. Hermann Gottlieb _

 

\---/-/---

 

_ Dear Newton, _

 

_ Today was evaluation day for drift compatibility. Even K-Science and J-Tech recruits go through it. It's important particularly for the J-Techs to understand everything they possibly can about the drift, and that includes forging a stable neural handshake to experience it firsthand.  _

 

_ I won't drag the story out any longer than it needs to be, I received some bad news. I'm not considered eligible to test-- I'll never be matched to someone.  _

 

_ It isn't as though I would ever need to, with my career plan, but I admit I didn't enjoy standing out, when everyone else was at least able to make one try at it. The physicist I told you about achieved a stable neural handshake. I just sat there watching everyone step into the training pod together, watching the monitors show just how well they all did, watching them come out and knowing they'd experienced something incredible that  I would never know... It was harder than I expected.  _

 

_ Yours, _

_ Hermann _

 

\---/-/---

 

_ Hermann, _

 

_ The whole neural handshake thing is a pretty new deal, right? Look, maybe you're not compatible with anyone else in your year, and you felt singled out and that sucks, but maybe they just knew you wouldn't be able to drift with a non-genius, yeah? Like you'd fry their poor average brain out. I mean they can't know never for sure. _

 

_ And so you were the only guy in your group not to be called up to try it, so what? This is just the first group and the way you talk about it it's not that many people. Coming years are gonna see way bigger academy classes as people see what the program is and what it can offer and what they can do for the world, and they'll be clamoring to get in. And a lot of them are probably going to find that they just aren't drift compatible, and at least you don't have to give up on your dreams because of it. You can still go in and science it up! _

 

_ I believe in you, man. I'm in your corner. _

 

_ -*Newt* _

 

\---/-/---

 

_ Dear Newton, _

 

_ Enclosed, one photograph of yours truly leaning on the foot of Brawler Yukon.  _

 

_I look a bit of a mess. We all do. But it won't be like this for long. Soon I'll just be able to get to_ work.

 

_ Yours, _

_ Hermann _

 

_PS- Thank you, so so much. Thank you for talking to me about your students and your lab work and your father... This whole process has been hard, and worth doing, and made much more manageable by having you to cheer me on from afar. And when you're here, I will be pulling for you, just as hard._

 

\---/-/---

 

_ Hermann, _

 

_ That is so unbelievably cool! _

 

_ You don't look like a mess, man, you look awesome. I mean, how could you not, right? You're leaning on a giant fighting robot and you helped make him! (is Brawler Yukon a dude? He seems like a dude somehow, you know?) _

 

_ Okay, it's not the same at ALL, but... Enclosed is a picture of yours truly leaning against some sound equipment in my uncle's studio. It's me at my coolest, even if there's not a robot involved.  _

 

_ -*Newt* _

 

_PS- It's not even like it's hard for me to write a whole bunch of stuff about myself ;) I'm just glad I could make it easier. And thanks. I feel like I've kind of got the inside track here, like you're walking me through what I'll be feeling, even if you can't tell me every little thing about it and even if they need to do stuff differently next year._

 

\---/-/---

 

_ Dear Newton, _

 

_ Brawler Yukon  _ still _ can't really be said to be a 'dude', no. But I suppose there's a masculine air. _

 

_ I've got my first posting. I'm a bit nervous, if I'm honest. I'm about to be on the other side of the ocean in just a few days' time. Flying out with another scientist and a couple of pilots to meet one of the new Jaegers built using Yukon's code.  _

 

_ Yours, _

_ Hermann _


	3. Brighten My Loneliest Evening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The letters continue-- though some things still remain unsaid.

Newt is a little disappointed that the Jaeger academy is such a quick stint, though he understands why it has to be that way. They needed pilots in the Jaegers ASAP... Technically it doesn't take a whole year to complete training, anyway, let alone two.

 

Really, he's just disappointed that Hermann is no longer in Alaska when he arrives.

 

Dr. Alcuda provides his entry physical, and she and Stacker Pentecost are the only two people where Newt knows that they know. Whatever is in his file, people down the road may or may not read, but the two people who sat with him and spoke with him in two different offices, they understand, at least as well as they can.

 

Newt is assigned a disabled housing room-- rooms, actually, and he was afforded the quarters because of the bathroom, so that he wouldn't need to share the showers with a bunch of wannabe rangers. He's generally pretty happy with his genitals, occasionally downright proud, but he is choosy about who he shares them with. More a case of twice shy than of a natural inclination towards caution. Newt and caution are rarely friends, he prefers to fly off and explore uncharted waters, and to go where his heart leads him. His heart has just gotten dinged up enough to necessitate some walls going up.

 

When he writes Hermann, he doesn't mention why he has his own room. Hermann hadn't had a roommate at the academy, either, after all.

 

\---/-/---

 

_Hermann,_

 

_Guess what? No roomie! We're both pretty lucky in that respect, huh?_

 

_I'm avoiding the jocks, mostly. Depressingly high school, right? I just have no idea what to even talk to these guys about, they're all total Big McLargehuge punch-your-problems guys, you know? I know eventually we all get thrown in pretty much together and it isn't like that only happens at the end when it doesn't count, I'm just way more comfortable with the other nerds._

 

_So far I've only really talked to one guy anyway. His name's Tendo Choi, he's going into J-tech. Dude is flipping his shit over the Jaegers and over your code. He's usually pretty laid back, though, like-- nerdgasming over robots aside, he's super chill and so far I think he's actually friends with everyone in our 'class', no matter which track we're all in._

 

_One thing, though... I just thought there would be, like, way more biologists? I mean, considering how big a deal it is to get to be one of the first people to deal with a newly discovered tree lizard or even a bug, I expected real life xenobiology to be a bigger draw. Being one of THE people to for real study a kaiju? Universities will always manage to get their hands on something, but, like, that shit was next to impossible before the Jaegers. And I feel like the PPDC is gonna be calling first dibs and best set up to deal with everything. I thought more people would be joining me out here on the CUTTING EDGE OF SCIENCE, you know? Just goes to show you, huh?_

_-*Newt*_

 

\---/-/---

 

Hermann has saved Newt's correspondence from the start, both in an email folder marked 'Important- Dr Geiszler', and on an external hard drive. Lately, though, he'd taken to printing several out, keeping a hard copy file.

 

This latest letter gets the same treatment, even though he tells himself it's both silly and wasteful even as he prints it out.

 

His stomach flips over at the way Newt calls being roommate free lucky for the both of them. He'd never really gone into why he hadn't had a roommate. He'd needed to rely on his cane heavily in Alaska-- for extra traction out of doors when it was wet and slushy or muddy, and just to lean on indoors when the long hours of physical activity and the cold seeping through the walls got to him. He had not included his cane in the photograph that he'd sent-- a conscious decision he'd fretted over a bit.

 

Who was he trying to kid? Did it matter, really? What did he need Newt to see him as that the cane precluded? What happened to owning the body he lived in proudly in spite of its difficulties? It had been easy enough to just leave the cane out of frame and he'd told himself there was no reason over and over again, but it was never enough. He still plans to keep quiet about it. At the Shatterdome, he needs it less. It's good to have on hand, but sometimes he carries it tucked beneath his arm as he goes from place to place just because it isn't immediately necessary.

 

It had kept him from drifting... another thing he'd been unable to put into the letter. They'd taken him aside, at least, instead of saying it aloud in front of his whole class, but... well, maybe he shouldn't have been surprised. It's not that there are no secrets in the Drift, it's beyond that. It's that once you're sharing your mind with someone, enough to sync with them, everything you feel, they feel.

 

In Hermann's case, pain. There are no studies on this yet, no telling what the end result is when you download someone else's chronic pain into your brain... no telling how it reconfigures you, beyond the usual. Hermann has had it for years. Since his youth-- he can't even pinpoint where it began, he doesn't have solid memories of living without pain. He knows in his childhood, it had yet to affect him, but it's hard to think of those memories without his mind laying the pain over the top of them, hard to believe a painless life had ever been real. It had started small, and he'd adjusted with it as it grew, and as it changed him. He's used to his best days being a three on the pain scale, and he knows what it is to wake up at ten and to need to power through it, and he has his medications and he has his PT stretches...

 

And even with those things, there's always some pain to work around, and to have his bad day dumped onto someone who had not spent years of their life growing with it and learning how to cope? Of course he couldn't have done that. Even with his memories of doing so, it would be too much of a shock, and at the academy, his pain was worse, between the weather and the work...

 

But he'd left that out of the letters just as he'd left the cane out of his photograph, and now there's nothing to do but keep quiet.

 

\---/-/---

 

_Dear Newton,_

 

_It's early days yet-- plenty of time for more biologists to join in. Until they do, you will just have to be the world's foremost kaiju expert._

  
_I'm glad to hear you have a friend there. Of course I'll always offer my total support, but it's important to have someone there for you in person. There is only so much a letter can give you... Though, from experience, that is still a lot.  
_

 

_You will enjoy the lab environment once you're through with the academy and ready for a real posting. I know the PPDC is keen to have some biologists. There are only a couple, and they're from the founding of it all, and right now they're putting a focus on it in their recruitment adverts. So hopefully there will be a few more coming after you and you can have a team to work with._

 

_I'm definitely more at home in the lab here. We're trying to build a working understanding of the breach, and there are definitely some arguments every now and then about how best to go about things, but we'll just keep plugging away. And if the first ideas we try are fruitless, then at least there is already an opposing plan that we can switch to should we fail. That's better than having the lab in peaceful agreement and then leaving us all utterly flummoxed when it doesn't work._

 

_Yours,_

_Hermann_

 

\---/-/---

 

Hermann's letters give Newt focus. He has a reminder of what it is he's pushing for when the physical drills are kicking his ass. He gets why they're important-- everyone in the Shatterdome has to be prepared when the kaiju hit, even the scientists. And handling the organ and tissue samples won't be a walk in the park, he knows he needs to be in shape if he's going to shift some of the segments he's seen, even with help. He's been in pretty good shape for a scientist, he'd always felt, he's been in pretty good shape ever since he traded his childhood chubbiness in for brand-new testosterone-enhanced muscle. He's not the most sedentary, he does work a little bit on upkeep when he remembers to... but he's going to need to be even better, for this, and that means that in between opportunities to study the kaiju, he has to join the prospective rangers and the soon-to-be J-Tech officers for physical training.

 

He's glad he's in Alaska, because even starting hormone therapy as young as he had hadn't stopped his breasts from coming in early, and he can't exercise in his binder. The compression-style sports bra squishes everything down okay without being too tight around the ribcage, and because of the chill on the island, the baggy MIT sweatshirts he exercises in are unremarkable.

 

He wants the breasts gone. He's used to the fact that they're there, he doesn't feel the same degree of distress over them that he used to-- it had been a disaster when they'd started to show up, he hadn't been ready. Well, he never would have been ready-- even before he knew he was a boy, he'd just thought of himself as an ungendered being. It hadn't hurt to have female pronouns applied to him as a child, or his birth name, because those things weren't solid. They, like Newt himself, existed outside of actually being female, they were just words and occasionally weird social rules. It took time to get to know himself well enough to understand he did have a gender-- just not the one people assumed-- and even then, he can't remember being bothered by being referred to as female, until his body had to go and make things too real by changing on him. His dad had understood, and for a while it didn't really matter that most of the world didn't, but Newt wanted to become a man just like other boys got to, and his body was, very briefly, intent upon turning him into a woman. It had been upsetting, and it had been physically uncomfortable-- downright painful, at times, and he's just glad he was living with his dad, that he had the dad he does and not someone else. He'd gotten on hormones, he'd gotten his name changed to one that he and his dad agreed was just right, he'd gotten a Bar Mitzvah, and when he'd started at MIT, it wasn't just as a man, it was among people who'd never seen him as anything else.

 

He tries to hold onto all of that, to keep things in perspective. He's been incredibly lucky to be where he is. It doesn't make things easy, but it helps. He still wants the breasts gone, but that takes money, takes researching to find a hospital and a surgeon who would take him seriously enough to not to a hack job, and most prohibitively, it takes so much recovery time that he doesn't want to waste. There's just so much work to do.

 

\---/-/---

 

_Hermann,_

 

_I GOT TO DISSECT AN EYEBALL!_

 

_It was INCREDIBLE. I mean, it wasn't one of the 'main' eyes, which would have been an impossible get considering this thing went down in Hong Kong. Probably all the interesting stuff went to the few biologists already working and not teaching. I'm surprised they shipped an eyeball to the academy, apparently it was a bitch and a half to keep it preserved._

 

_Anyway, this back-up pair of eyes, right? A lot smaller than the main eyes, and just, I mean, amazing. AMAZING. I don't know what the main eyes are like, and for all I know the whole structure is completely different, I just know the one I dissected is, if I had to compare it to an earth creature, a lot like a mantis shrimp. We're talking SO many ommatidia, Hermann, and the PHOTORECEPTORS. This guy was seeing colors you and I can't even imagine, basically-- I mean, infrared, ultraviolet, polarized light. I don't know if this was a specialized ability because I haven't seen anything about other kaiju eyes-- there's no way for an eyeball to survive a nuclear blast, you know?_

 

_I'm basically gonna be high on this for days. I can hardly believe I'm already a part of something this incredible. I know it was basically a test, you know? And I guess they'll have to have similar stuff for the biologists who come in after me, but still. I did this now, and that's incredible, and I was able to give new information to the PPDC biologist who brought the eyeball in for me to dissect, and maybe it will be useful, I don't know, but he seemed impressed._

 

_I'm kind of counting on that whole discovery high to get me through tomorrow, actually-- I'm getting my initial brain scan so that I can be evaluated for drift compatibility, those tests are coming up. The instructor said the rangers should all have a solid idea based on the sparring they've been doing, but the evaluation is still important, because if your partner is down with an injury and a kaiju is coming, then you need to know who else you can jump in a Jaeger with and they've worked out a system for that. It's not exact and maybe it never will be, but some guidelines are better than nothing, and it's good if you're in an academy class where maybe you don't find a partner, but in another graduating class there could be someone who matches up to your brain. Okay, well, you probably already know that part, right? Unless it's new info. Ugh, I don't know, I'm just... You know?_

 

_I'll keep you updated._

_-*Newt*_

 

\---/-/---

 

Hermann knows nothing about dissection and does not wish to, but Newt's enthusiasm is still wonderful. It reinvigorates him, when he needs a hit of optimism and joy in his own work. He reads the email on his phone several times over the course of the day that he gets it, turning to Newt's excitement over the secondary eyeball whenever his calculations frustrate him.

 

He feels such an affection for the man, and such a gratitude. To have that vibrancy and that brilliance, to have Newt as his rock and as a source of inspiration, and as a friend... Hermann can hardly put into words how much their correspondence has meant to him. Then again, he hasn't exactly been trying. His emotional depths, he thinks, are sometimes better left unplumbed.

 

\---/-/---

 

_Dear Newton,_

 

_Congratulations on your first kaiju dissection! I'm so glad to hear it was such a discovery. It's silly to admit I never thought about their vision being different from ours, but then, that's why I am not the biologist. I can't say I'm surprised that your instructor was impressed-- given everything I know of your career, you make a habit of impressing people. The tissue replication certainly impressed me._

 

_The scan isn't so bad, if you aren't claustrophobic. It's a bit loud, but all you have to do is lie there with your eyes closed and listen to a few questions, think about your responses... Since they only need to scan your head, they don't care what you do to get comfortable so long as your neck and head are straight where they need to be. I was a little worried that they'd want me in some uncomfortable position but I was allowed to lie with my knees up and my hands folded on my stomach and it wasn't so bad. They hadn't had the whole scale system finished, when I was in the academy, it's something they were working on, though. They didn't have enough data at the time, we were probably a part of giving them more data._

 

_Anyway, after dissecting that eyeball, you can do anything, right? You'll get through just fine._

 

_Yours,_

_Hermann_

 

\---/-/---

 

The scan is worse than Hermann made it sound, which doesn't surprise Newt-- he knew he was going to take it badly. The noise rattles him too much, he has a hard time concentrating when they ask him to, and it feels like it scrambles the brain they're trying so hard to get a look at.

 

In the end, they find something he could have told them without the scan. He's pretty sure it's already in his medical file-- it should be, right along with the pills he takes to manage his various imbalances.

 

He tries not to let it get him down too much, even though it is a little bit of a blow. After all, Hermann had had the same news, hadn't he? Maybe for the same reason? And even if it wasn't, and even if they weren't compatible, they could commiserate. And besides, he'd rather not be out to someone he barely knows just because they have similar brainwaves-- it's not really enough for him to feel secure about it. Maybe he could have drifted with Tendo, maybe, but he thinks it's probably better the way it is.

 

\---/-/---

 

_Hermann,_

 

_So it looks like we've got something else in common. I'm not compatible with anyone. They basically told me not to hold my breath, either. Not a lot of fun getting into that tube for nothing... At least I don't have to do that again, right? Besides, if you're not compatible with anyone, then at least I'm in good company._

 

_And this means I'm that much closer to completing my academy training. I don't know if we'll be at the same dome, maybe that's too much to ask, but I've been kind of hoping. I mean, I know you. And it'd just be cool to work with someone I know, even if we're in different departments._

 

_I already know how I'm celebrating, once I do graduate. Pretty excited just for everything. You always make the work sound so noble. Like, really heroic. I can't wait to be a part of it._

 

_-*Newt*_

 

\---/-/---

 

Hermann's immediate sympathy for Newt is followed and quickly overshadowed by the question of whether Newt is really suggesting knowing each other in person. Of course it's ultimately up to the PPDC, but the thought of Newt wanting to meet him is...

 

It's wonderful, and it's terrifying. He'd never be able to hide his cane in person... but maybe it wouldn't matter. Maybe they would hit it off just the same way if they did meet in the flesh. That, or he would make a fool of himself because Newt is funny, and brave, and determined, and adorable, and _brilliant_ , and that could be a dangerous combination.

 

\---/-/---

 

_Dear Newton,_

 

_It's not the end of the world, at least. I mean, you and I aren't pilots. And we did provide them some data for refining the scale they're using for compatibility, so it wasn't in vain, even if we are currently outliers. When I think of it that way, I admit it makes me a bit happier._

 

_We'll have to see where they send you-- there are more Shatterdomes opening up now than there were. But at least we'll be able to keep in touch if we're moved around, so maybe someday. Even just visiting a different base for some kind of conference could provide us the chance. I've been thinking about it since your email, and I am trying not to set my heart on having you in the lab next to the one I'm working in, just in case... but I do think I would enjoy meeting up with you. I often have an easier time via email, than I do making a good impression on people in person, but you and I have already made our impressions, so I've been trying to tell myself it's not such a scary prospect, and that I sound like a silly teenager, obsessing over all the ways I could make a fool of myself if I met up with you in person._

 

_I just admire so much about you, so maybe a little case of the nerves is to be expected, but I have considered us friends for a while now, even though we've never really made any declarations or anything, so it's also something I can certainly move past._

 

_Enjoy celebrating your academy graduation responsibly! You do deserve some fun after they put you through your paces!_

 

_Yours,_

_Hermann_


	4. 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The K-Sci conference provides them the opportunity... The rest, as they say, is history.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (not the end, though-- there's a lot more for these guys to get through!)

Newt had loved Tokyo, had been ecstatic since first he was told he'd be assigned to the newly-minted Tokyo Shatterdome. He was fighting against the forces of decay with all of the Onibaba samples that had made it intact to the labs there, and it always felt as though there was so much lost before he even had the chance to examine anything. They were just too old by the time he got there. Still, he'd loved every minute he had free to check out his new city, and when October rolls around, he's given fresh samples, and a brand new muse.

 

Even without Dr. Alcuda to make medical a welcoming enough place, he'd gotten to feel at home enough in Tokyo that he's loathe to leave, but the new 'dome in Sydney is the one that's been chosen to host the first K-Science conference, bringing together the handful of scientists from different disciplines who'd been steadily plugging away at all the different Shatterdomes. Even with ideas being exchanged electronically, there's something to be said for brainstorming in person, and for more inter-discipline talk.

 

And that... really, that's it. Hermann is going to be in Sydney for the conference, and so Newt is going to be in Sydney for the conference. It's not just inter-discipline K-Science he's after, either. He _likes_ Hermann. He wants to meet his long-time pen pal in person, he wants to know that the things he feels aren't just in his head, that they have a real connection. And if it's only friendship, that's fine. There's nothing 'only' about it, really, not with how few real friends Newt has. If Hermann is straight, or just not interested, or whatever, then Newt can put his other feelings away. For all he knows, there won't be a spark when they meet in person, but Hermann is so smart, and so passionate in his letters... of course Newt has feelings for him, and until they do meet, there's no way of resolving them one way or the other.

 

He races to get to the cafe on time. They'd arranged to meet before the conference, just the two of them, so that there wouldn't be anyone or anything else to worry about, and Newt is sweating when he gets there. It's late autumn-- nearly winter, back in Tokyo-- except in Sydney it's going into summer instead, already so hot, and Newt hopes Hermann will be understanding.

 

There's a man sitting at one of the outdoor tables, in a suit that definitely screams 'math professor' and a haircut that says 'military', and when Newt gets closer, somehow he just knows. He's not alone, but the other person is standing, clearly about to leave, probably someone who'd just stopped over because they knew him and wouldn't be cutting in on their first meeting. Newt wipes his hands on his jeans and approaches, trying to remember how to smile the way normal people do when they greet each other.

 

"Hermann?"

 

"I'm Doctor Gottlieb, yes."

 

Newt's mouth works soundlessly for a moment. He feels like the response has sent him reeling, literally reeling. Hermann was expecting him, they were on a first-name basis in their emails, what was with the cold greeting? Hermann looks him over, eyes resting briefly on the tattoo on Newt's forearm before he has to look away quickly, his expression shutting down into something Newt can't immediately read.

 

Not that he has to. It wouldn't be the first time someone hadn't understood, in the short time he'd had this one. His first is rarely visible, but with the heat, with his sleeves pushed up to the elbow...  Hermann's mouth is a thin line, his eyes wide and dark and fixed on some point in the distance, off to the side. Fixed on not-Newt, and on definitely-not-Newt's-tattoo. His breaths come quick and sharp, after another glance at the inked kaiju, his cheeks mottled with a flush.

 

"Dr. Geiszler, I presume?" Hermann asks, still not looking at him. He doesn't look at the other man, either, just lets him move on. Something he does in a hurry, and Newt doesn't really blame him when everything is going so wrong.

 

He squares his shoulders, biting his lip against the sudden tightness in his chest and the way the corners of his mouth want to turn down with hurt.

 

"Yeah. Look... was--" His voice nearly cracks, and he coughs to cover for it, his hand moving to his forearm as he turns half away, shuffling nervously. "Was this a-- a mistake? I should, I'll go, I'll see you, I'll be at the thing, I should... Obviously you don't really want to do this. Maybe you don't wanna be seen with me, or--"

 

"Wait!" Hermann gets to his feet, wincing, one arm reaching out. "Newton-- wait."

 

Newt does, curious, but Hermann's eyes tear away from him as soon as he meets them.

 

"I apologize." Hermann's shoulders slump, his head hangs. There's a cane hanging from the back of his chair, that Newt hadn't seen when he'd been seated, and Newt doesn't know if it's an affectation or a necessity.

 

"Oh?" Hope flutters in Newt's chest, and he tries to push it down to a reasonable level.

 

"I-- The man who just left, I wasn't expecting to... I was thrown off, I'm sorry. If I was rude, when you--" Hermann stammers, eyes flickering to where Newt's hand is wrapped around his arm. "I'm sorry, if I was rude."

 

"Oh. Okay. Yeah, uh... me too, then." Newt offers. He's not sure what else there is to say, but if Hermann can't even look at him, then maybe it's still a lost cause. "I guess."

 

"Would you like to sit?" Hermann offers, reaching back blindly until his hand closes over the back of his chair. Between that and his other hand flat on the table, he eases himself down, and Newt thinks that means the cane is probably more than just decorative.

 

"I don't know. Do you really want me to?" Newt folds his arms, still covering the tattoo. "'Cause it kind of seems like you don't. I guess I just thought... like, I thought we knew each other well enough you'd see me for me and not-- I mean, jeez, fuck, it's just a tattoo and you can't even look at me, and if you hate my tattoos, then maybe this isn't gonna work!"

 

His voice does break, at that, and he turns away.

 

"I don't hate your tattoo." Hermann whispers, and Newt's head snaps back around to look at him.

 

"What?"

 

"Your tattoo. I..." Hermann's face goes red, not the blotchy damask it's been, but all-over red. "I don't hate it. I-- I'm sorry, did you say-- Did you have more than one?"

 

Newt sits. "Yeah. This is my second. It's, um... it's gonna be a full sleeve. When I get back to Tokyo, I just need the rest put in. Details and some minor, um, I mean, not exactly 'background', but, like... some waves or something like that? I mean, it's gonna be two full sleeves, eventually. I mean... if they keep coming. It could get to be more."

 

"May I see?" Hermann asks shyly, and Newt pieces it together. Not angry or disgusted-- at least, not with Newt. Embarrassed. Aroused? At the very least, interested in something that a lot of people considered in poor taste.

 

He reaches across the table, blushing himself when Hermann's fingertips skate up the sensitive skin of his forearm. He'd had the work done about two weeks ago, and this was the first time he'd let his arm see sunlight, much less let it be touched. Hermann lifts his hand away the second Newt sucks in a breath, looking up at him with wide, worried eyes, mouth slightly agape.

 

"Sorry!"

 

"No, it's fine." Newt shakes his head, smiling. "It's okay. It's just a little, um... a little new. Not-- Not painful-new, just, I mean... I haven't let anything touch my arm for two weeks."

 

"Oh." Hermann relaxes a little, smiles a little. "It's... it's very nice. I like the way it... the way it moves with your arm. I mean--"

 

"Yeah." He nods. "I mean, I think I know."

 

"Yamarashi. You were so excited to get those organ segments." Hermann's smile widens, and Newt is lost. "You wrote me three pages about all of the tests you were able to run with what they sent you."

 

"Three pages? Really?"

 

"I printed it." Hermann admit, shrugging.

 

"Oh..."

 

"How is your work neutralizing the toxins in the Blue coming along?"

 

"Great, actually. I, uh, I think I'm looking at a breakthrough. I was hoping after the conference, I'd just be... you know? Ready to blow through everything that's been getting in my way. I guess J-Tech is doing okay without you, rolling out the Mark Threes, but how is your side of K-Sci going?"

 

"Well, well." Hermann nods. "There's a lot left to do, but... well."

 

\---/-/---

 

Hermann had had a hard enough time accepting that he'd need his cane to go meet Newt. After his flight and the temperature change, and staying in a bunk in the Sydney Shatterdome that was far worse than his bed in Vladivostok, after all the time he was spending of late working and ignoring the protests his body made, he knew better than to leave without his cane. Even if he'd felt like he could make it, that was no guarantee he'd stay all right.

 

It turned out he had more to be embarrassed over than his cane, of course-- there was his conduct, when he'd been flustered by the presence of a colleague when Newton finally arrived, and distracted by the pain settling deep in his lower back, both those things leading him to greet Newt rudely... And then there had been his reaction to the sight of the tattoo, completely unprofessional and completely inappropriate out on a public street. Could he have sounded more desperate when he'd found out this wasn't even the only one?

 

And yet, they'd made it past that, conversed very pleasantly over a cup of coffee...

 

And promptly gotten into a heated argument on the way to Newt's hotel. The 'dome was full up with its own personnel and the visiting scientists, and Newt had been some of the overflow, put up in a little hotel right next to the 'dome instead, and arguing was so much safer than contemplating what the invitation had meant, if they were going to discuss science or if...

 

Well, Hermann doesn't think there's much chance of 'or if...' now, as they have to fight to keep from shouting themselves hoarse all the way up to Newt's door. He expects to have it slammed in his face, but instead, Newt ushers him in, and the look on his face the moment the door is closed...

 

"Fuck, no one's ever defended a theory to me like that before." Newt groans, his hands moving to Hermann's lapels. The tendons in the back of his hands flex, and Hermann wants to watch that little twist of movement, wants to follow it up his forearm and see the way it shifts the colorful skin there.

 

"Possibly because they've never had the patience for your lack of proper debate technique." He says, because, again, it's safer than the things that are on his mind, the things he wants to see and _do_. Still, the words come out in a deep, breathy rush, and he's sure he makes an even less dignified noise when Newt's tongue darts out to moisten the fullness of his lower lip.

 

"I really wanna kiss you right now." Newt admits, and Hermann can't agree quickly enough.

 

It's all the passion that had inspired him in their letters, but here in the flesh, it's more. It's a tornado set aflame. There is no editing, only Newt... Newt, raw and so intelligent it burns, the fierce cleverness of his eyes. They are the green of a stormy sea, the same boundless energy and depth, but also... Also, they are the color of the wilderness in the shadow of the Alps, the greens of forests snaking up to the treeline and meadows spreading out wide and bright, and the gold flecks of light that filter through those trees, the soft, thick moss that climbs the wet stone walls of Partnach Gorge. Hermann doesn't know what Newt sees in his own eyes, but he knows that in Newt's, he sees dangerous new horizons, and he sees the most beautiful parts of home.

 

"Fuck, wait..." Newt groans against his lips, and Hermann pulls back dutifully.

 

"Second thoughts?"

 

"No. Yeah. No. Not about you. I-- Since the letters, since the academy, I knew I might... with you. Want this. The way you were there, the way you... the way I was never alone, and the way you listened, I knew I could want this."

 

"I feel the same." Hermann nods, smiling, and reaches up to cup Newt's cheek in his hand. "Even arguing, I only wanted to be with you more... It-- it takes brilliance, to argue the way you do. And it takes brilliance, to woo me."

 

"Awesome. I hope. I just... I mean... You're, um... you're gay?"

 

"I did just have my tongue in your mouth, Newton."

 

"Oh, no, that is a flawed argument." Newt shakes his head, gesticulating wildly and moving away from Hermann's touch. "You could be bi. You could be pan-- which is what I am, that's, I prefer that one, that feels more right to me than bi, but I mean, it's down to every individual, right? You could be attracted to masculine-coded traits regardless of a person's gender, or you could be attracted to nobody except we've been writing so long now that I'm an exception to the rule. Or, hell, I could be the exception to the rule if you liked women, too!"

 

"Well I don't. I am gay." Hermann sighs. "Is that all?"

 

Newt glances around the room, and then at Hermann's cane for a long moment, and Hermann grips the handle, feeling self-conscious.

 

"Have you, um... have you ever dated a trans dude?"

 

Newt's voice is tight, and he looks around the room again, and Hermann feels his own sense of self-consciousness melt away some. He reaches out for Newt's hand.

 

"I have not. Not yet, at least. Am I about to?"

 

Newt rocks on the balls of his feet a moment, his hands fluttering down to his sides. "That's what I'm kind of hoping."

 

"Newton." He holds his hand out a little further, smile warming when Newt takes it. "Be patient with me, then? I could look up plenty of information on the subject, but no one else is you. No one else's story is your story. So... can you do that, for me? If I am missing information, if what I read says one thing and your personal experiences say another? I think you're incredible. I want this. I want you."

 

"I want to slow things down a little, physically. But yeah. I want you."

 

"Even with this?" Hermann picks his cane up a moment, nodding to it.

 

"Yeah."

 

"Oh, Newton... how could I not-- not want you?"

 

"Considering you had your tongue in my mouth, you could call me Newt."

 

Hermann shakes his head, stepping forward to wrap his arms around Newt, cuddling against him. "I like the name 'Newton'."

 

"Is this a math dork deal?"

 

"Yes." Hermann admits. "Would you have me any other way?"

 

"No, I think we're a pretty perfect match." Newt laughs, squeezing Hermann tight.


	5. Slow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newt and Hermann take things slow-- but some things are easier than others, when they're together. And nothing is as easy as they'd like when they're apart.

They spend the whole of the conference glued at the hip, sitting close with their heads bent together through panels and roundtable discussions, Newt's pace matching Hermann's as they walk through the Sydney 'dome, the two of them sharing all their meal, the talk flowing fast and easy.

 

The talk in question often comes in the form of fierce debates, each countering the other, decimating weaker arguments and grudgingly folding before stronger ones, not only building a better understanding of each other's disciplines but helping to refine each other's work.

 

It's an incredible feeling, driving on to the next breakthrough together like this, but they leave the general impression upon most of their colleagues that they can't stand each other, that they seek out unpleasant company just to argue. Neither cares to explain to anyone else just what it is they have in each other, as far as their scientific partnership goes. They've long supported each other's ambitions with encouraging words, now is the time to test each idea by fire, and it's something they put a great faith on each other to do.

 

At the end of each night of the conference, Newt walks Hermann to his door, and kisses him outside his temporary quarters, before they tear themselves away from the magnetic pull that would have them asking for more. At the end of the last night, he invites Hermann to his hotel instead.

 

"I still mean what I said about taking it slow physically." He explains quickly, before the wrong idea can be had. "But tomorrow you're flying to Vladivostok, and then I'm off to Tokyo, and I don't know when we'll be able to see each other in person after that. I just... I wanna soak up the time we have, you know?"

 

"I do." Hermann promises. "It's been all work, hasn't it? And... we deserve some time to just be ourselves a while. To talk."

 

"A little bit more than talking." Newt bites his lip, giddiness clear in the way his mouth turns up at the corners anyway. It's a grin he can't hold back, as he lets them into his hotel room and pulls Hermann into a kiss, longer and warmer than their usual goodnights. Hermann can still feel him fighting that grin even as they kiss.

 

"A little bit more." Hermann nods, settling into the embrace.

 

"I mean, I do still wanna talk, but-- Stay, tonight?"

 

Hermann considers the offer. He has his pills in his laptop bag. He'd had it for his panel on breach physics, and hadn't stopped by his room in the 'dome to drop it off. A single night without his toiletry kit won't hurt, he'll have time to get his things from the 'dome before he heads for the airport... He has what matters, and it would mean all night to hold Newt and to be held.

 

"I would like that." He say at last.

 

The hotel bed is softer than the bunk in the Sydney Shatterdome, a much more pleasant place to spend the night before his flight, and they move there fully clothed just to lie together a while.

 

"Show me where I can touch you, for now?" Hermann asks shyly, his hand moving to Newt's forearm, to trace the outline of his tattoo. "And... can I see the other one, before I have to go?"

 

Newt pulls away, with a little smile and a faint blush, pink beneath the freckles scattered across his cheeks. When he sits up, Hermann does the same. He strips his tie away, and then his shirt, showing Hermann the tattoo that curls around his shoulder and down over his upper arm. Hermann can see the straps of another layer beneath his undershirt, and he doesn't skirt too close as he traces Newt's first tattoo as well.

 

"You like?" Newt asks, his smile broader now, surer.

 

"Yes, the workmanship in it is beautiful... it fits you so well. Here, how it follows the line of the muscle, it's so... careful, like that."

 

"Do you have any?"

 

"Just an admirer." Hermann shakes his head, feels his own face warm. "Especially on handsome men. To be honest, I normally prefer geometric designs-- there's an artist whose work I follow, who does geometric designs and also work in the style of old scientific illustrations, I'd thought my own preferences were... set, you know? I mean, a handsome man with a good tattoo is always something nice to look at, but... I thought I knew what I most liked the look of. Yours, though... I don't know, they're so different and so... vibrant. I really like them."

 

"They'll be more colorful when the sleeve's done, but I'm glad you like it."

 

"It's you." He nods. "And I feel it would not be right on someone else-- it's purely you. It's your _work_."

 

"Thanks." Newt reaches up to tap his shoulder. "That's the eye I was so excited about dissecting. I thought... I thought if I could just get every kaiju that I personally get to examine and learn something from... I don't know where I'll put Onibaba. To be honest, I didn't get as much as I'd have liked out of those samples. I'll do some sketches and talk to my artist maybe... I'll keep thinking on it. Maybe I'll leave that one out. Or see if I wind up with any gaps that need a kaiju, when the war's over."

 

Hermann leans in, following an impulse, and lets his lips brush Newt's shoulder. Newt makes a soft sound, lacing their fingers together to hold Hermann's hand a moment, before guiding it to his knee.

 

"Touch me here." He murmurs, pulling Hermann's hand up his thigh a few inches before stopping it. "And there."

 

He picks Hermann's hand up next, to move it to his hip, to slide it up and around at his waist, over his stomach, not too high or too low. He introduces Hermann's hand to the back of his neck and to his hair, and talks him through the space between his shoulderblades and down below that. He gives a quiet voice to the whole process, affirming each welcome touch, letting Hermann know where to ask first about and where to just reach for him, and how.

 

Once they're done, Hermann does the same. He includes the flat planes of his chest as an acceptable place for Newt to touch, and mentions caution around his hip and the small of his back, but the differences don't matter to Newt-- what matters is that Hermann goes through the whole process for him in return, makes it a normal thing between new lovers, and not something that Newt needs to explain for him because Newt is Different.

 

\---/-/---

 

Saying goodbye at the airport had been hard, even with the promises of emails and texts and Skyped conversations. Newt had gone to the airport early, gone through security three hours before he needed to just so that he could go with Hermann to his gate, to spend as much time together as possible.

 

It's Newt's birthday, three months later, and they have Skype up so that Hermann can watch him open his gift. They'd argued through their last phone call, and it had been useful, ending with no hurt feelings on either side, but Hermann still prefers the calls where they don't need to argue. It's invigorating when Newt is there with him, but it's draining when they're so far apart. This call is purely to talk, to connect.

 

Newt gushes over the Godzilla tee shirt, something Hermann had found through an online vintage shop, and Hermann dutifully closes his eyes so that Newt can change into it. Newt's binder is already gone for the night, and Hermann is sensitive to his need for some privacy there.

 

"How does it look?" Newt asks, spreading his arms, and Hermann opens his eyes again. It's a little tight across the chest, where Hermann can make out the suggestion of curves, and he lets his focus slide away from that detail, taking in Newt's grin, his pale legs crossed as he sits on his bed, Godzilla shirt and Godzilla boxers. In Hermann's room it's far too cold to sit on the bed in so little, even in his winter pajamas, he's cocooned himself in a comforter. He's glad Newt's room is warmer. It's still winter, yes, but milder, and with better heating.  


 

"Good. You can sleep in it tonight and think about me."

 

"I think about you every night." Newt laughs, toying with the chocolate bar that had been included in his package. Hermann had had the shirt sent to him in Vladivostok so that he could put Newt's package together, with brightly colored gift wrap, Newt's favorite blue with white and gold stars-- a detail that also makes him think of Hermann. With candy and a card that he'd spent hours trying to put the right words to.   


 

"And I you."

 

"Can I give you something?"

 

"My birthday is in June--"

 

"No, right now." Newt shakes his head, bites his lip, and Hermann understands.

 

"Is that what you want? I-- I thought our first time, we'd be in the same room, but... I mean, I am not saying no, Newton."

 

"It's a little easier." Newt admits. "I-- I want you to see me. I want it to not be a surprise when we're together. I know you're going to be cool about what I look like, I trust you, but I want it to not be a surprise. I want you to watch how I touch myself so that when we're together, you'll know how to touch me. And I want to do this. I miss you. I want to do this."

 

"Then so do I, love. And when we're together, I promise... I'll do everything the way you want me to. I'll pay very good attention."

 

Newt pulls his shirt up just a little, and his waistband down. He won't take his shirt off, and Hermann won't ask him to-- the fact that it's his new gift makes it feel right, anyway, special. Not just something to hide the things Newt is self-conscious about, but something extra to help with the closeness.

 

Newt's belly is a soft, gentle curve, mostly flat, but still soft and undefined over the muscle, and Hermann misses being able to touch. He's fairly lean, but there's no meanness to it, no lack of inviting, touchable flesh, and Hermann itches to touch. He uncrosses his legs, picks himself up just long enough to shimmy out of his boxers, and then there he is, dark curls trimmed down a bit just to show off, emphasizing his sex.

 

It's what Hermann's research had prepared him for, and it isn't. Hermann had looked for pictures that didn't come from pornography, so that he wouldn't betray any surprise, so that he'd know ahead of time what he should expect in terms of size and shape... Mostly he had found text, and that was helpful, but he'd thought he would be relying more on the pictures, had been dismayed to feel nothing about them.

 

He feels something about Newt.

 

"So this is my cock." Newt coughs, giving it a little stroke with his thumb. "And if you ever need something bigger, I mean, I have like, a box of them. But this is me. Everything else down there, like... dude, I'm a biologist. I just use the technical names for stuff, whatever. But this is my cock. Um... do you-- I mean--?"

 

"I really like to suck cock." Hermann admits, the words coming out of him in a rush, his face going red.

 

"... So is this good or bad?"

 

"Very good." He can't keep the edge of a groan from his voice. "Oh, Newton, I could suck on you for hours. Until you tug me off and push me away, until you're a shaky, sweaty  wreck , my darling, and I would do it again the moment you let me."

 

Newt grins. "Awesome."

 

"I... Honestly, I think I'd prefer your cock. Your natural cock, I mean. As lovely a your box of prosthetic ones may be, I like you. I want you."

  
"As soon as we're together again." Newt promises, stroking himself in earnest, his legs spreading to let his other hand join the party. He lightly teases around the opening there, watching Hermann watch him. "You good at sucking cock, Hermann?"  


 

"I don't think I am-- but I will be. For you. I just need _practice_." Hermann licks his lips. "You'll help me with that."

 

Newt groans, spreading himself open as he strokes his cock with thumb and two forefingers. It's so different from what Hermann is used to, and used to wanting, but it's also Newt, and Newt is all that he wants. He wants to know how Newt tastes, and how he feels... and he definitely wants to just... suck on him, to feel the heat against his tongue, to feel Newt stiffen and twitch in his mouth... There isn't much length, but Hermann's enjoyment of sucking cock has always battled with his sensitive gag reflex, so he really doesn't see a downside. He likes the idea of being able to please Newt without accidentally taking him in too deep and ruining everything, and the thought of learning the shape of him intimately, with lips and tongue. He likes the deep rosy colors, the softer pinks and warm peaches and pale tans that he sees in Newt's sex, his cock and below-- so much variety. 

 

"Are there things you do when you masturbate that you'd prefer I not do for you?" Hermann asks, before he can forget the question. Newt's fingers don't slide up inside, but they probe around gently, trace over the hole, lips parted... 

 

"You? Nuh-uh." Newt grins loosely at him, runs the pad of his middle finger in miniscule circles tight around that opening. "No, you should, if you want to... when we're together. See, um... see... like, two thirds of my cock is kind of... inside me? Sort of wrapped around the vag, you know? Sometimes a finger up here in just the right spot helps. Like, uh... like-- you ever been fingered while someone sucked you off?"

 

Hermann shakes his head, and Newt groans-- whether at the response or the action of his own hands, Hermann can't tell. 

 

"Okay, well, I'm doing that. I mean, if you like prostate stuff."

 

"Sometimes."

 

"Good. Then I'm doing that for you. Then you can know what it's basically like?" He pauses, touching himself idly as he tries to explain. "I mean, since I don't have a prostate, and you don't have this whole structure going on, we can only guess at how analogous it is, but... like... I don't know, it's good. And I'm all about feeling good. This is the junk I was born with. I went on T when I hit puberty, just about. So, like... this is my normal. I'm not hung up on how it's not everyone else's normal, I just want to enjoy sex. Sometimes I just jerk off and that's it, sometimes I want a little more general friction, just externally. And sometimes my vagina wants to get in on the action, but it's, like... a man's vagina? Like... this is just me. And sometimes I like to get some internal stimulation, and sometimes I like to feel kind of full, but not very often. And I'm down with a little anal play-- like, right around the opening? Because that's sensitive on everybody. I just get nothing out of real penetration back there. I think that's all you need to know."

 

"If I think of anything else, there is time to sort it out. Newton... I do like you-- seeing you, I mean. And I do mean it, about... about wanting your cock, your natural one, I mean. Wanting to suck you off. More than anything, I wish I had my mouth on you now..."

 

"We'll meet up again. We'll work it out. Y-you could transfer to Tokyo?" Newt's head tips back as he works himself more frantically again. 

 

Hermann cups his hand over his own growing erection, helping it along through his pajamas. Newt spits on his fingers and starts spreading that slickness around. He glistens. Hermann wants to suck it from his skin, replace it with his own, lick and kiss and explore. He wants Newt's strong hands on his shoulders. 

 

"I'll request it." He promises. He likes the Vladivostok Shatterdome, but he's ready for a transfer, if it means being with Newt. "I don't know when they'll look at it, or if they-- I'll request it. I want to be with you."

 

"Are you touching yourself? Dude, you gotta let me see."

 

Hermann's stomach flips over at the sound of Newt's voice, the light laugh melding with pure sex, and he unwraps his comforter from around himself just enough to show Newt the bulge in his pajamas, his hand framing it for a moment before he pulls his cock out.

 

"Your hand is, like, around the whole thing, I can't see anything." Newt whines, even as he fingers himself. To make a point, he removes his hand from his own cock, just for a second, and Hermann's throbs in his grip at the sight of it standing proud. 

 

"Newton, my room is freezing, I'm not exposing it to the elements, it's not going to be much of a show." He grumbles, rolls his eyes when Newt huffs out a little laugh.

 

"Talk to me, then. You can show me when it's not so cold. C'mon, I'm-- I'm so fuckin' close, give me something good to finish on. Tell me how you like it."

 

"When it's this cold, I try to hurry it up under the covers. I-- I don't know." Hermann licks his lips. "Sometimes in the shower, I... I play with my balls. And-- that spot just behind, I like that. Just teased, l-lightly. I haven't b-branched out in a while."

 

"Oh, you gotta branch out." Newt groans. He shudders all over, and Hermann is torn between trying to see his face, and trying to catch the slightest spasms of muscle beneath his hands. He gives himself a couple more strokes, easing off with a sigh, and Hermann watches him clean up with a handful of tissue and a strawberry-scented hand anti-bac that he uses to banish the smell of sex from his hands. Newt's expression is still blissed out, and his legs are still spread wide, and he's wearing nothing but his birthday present and his now-slightly-askew glasses. 

 

It's doing quite a bit for Hermann, even with Newt no longer touching himself.

 

"Do you want to see my cock box?" Newt purrs. "Would that help you?"

 

"Only one way to find out." Hermann laughs, loves the way Newt grins into the camera for him before digging the box out from under his bed. It's a small-ish Rubbermaid container more than it's a box, but it still has 'COCKBOX' written across the lid in Sharpie. 

 

Newt pulls one out, the color a little paler than Newt's skin, and the size... generous, considering Newt's height, but it's certainly nice to look at. There's one a little tanner than Newt is, more in line with what Hermann's expectations had once been. There's one that's blue and not at all realistic, and Hermann can see a couple shapes inside the container that Newt doesn't pull.

 

"How'd you like to be fucked on one of these, huh? Or more than one. I mean, I could go all night." He teases, stroking one of them and trying not to laugh. 

 

Hermann wouldn't mind the laughter. He's never laughed in bed before, and he's starting to feel like he must have been missing out. "The blue one-- what is it really like?"

 

"Kind of awesome, actually. At least, it is when I use it on me." He drops it back into the box and brings one of the others to his mouth, licking a long stripe up the underside. "Giving you any ideas there, Hermann? Wanna pretend this is you? Because I do. Wanna pretend I've got you here and I can finally suck you off..."

 

Hermann stifles a moan, watching as Newt fellates his own toy, and it's enough of a show to take him through, imagining himself in its place, Newt's mouth a slick, velvet heat around his cock, Newt making those little noises around _him_... 

 

Newt grins at him as he cleans himself up, tucks himself in, and wraps the comforter back around himself.

 

"You like that?"

 

"I do."

 

"Cool. I kind of wanna slip into a strap-on when you're here and have you suck one of these bad boys. Since you like sucking cock so much. Since you have such a nice mouth..."

 

Hermann's in no mood to argue. He'd be willing to try, even if it's not what he looks forward to most. 

 

"How was the birthday?" He asks. "Everything you hoped for?"

 

"Yeah." Newt beams. "How was the, um, the-- you know, cam sex? I've never done this. Did I get weird and technical?"

 

"No. You were perfect. I feel very prepared for meeting you in person again." Hermann promises. "And, ah... for... rocking your world?"

 

"That's the spirit." He crows. "I do wish I was with you. Cuddling would be good right now. You've gotta keep warm without me."

 

"A difficult task."

 

"But you're putting in for a transfer? I mean, so... maybe soon?"

 

"As soon as I can." He touches the corner of his screen, and it's not remotely the same as touching Newt's face, but it's all he can do. "So that I can hold you for hours. And love you for hours."

 

"Have a good night, Hermann. Talk tomorrow?"

 

"Tomorrow. Call me-- I don't know if I'll be able to squeeze in a full video chat with you, but I'll keep my phone with me in the lab. At least we'll be able to talk a little."

 

It's standard for them, to at least get to say goodnight. It's never enough, but Hermann's set on getting that transfer now. Soon they'll be able to just stay together.


	6. 2018

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can't always get what you want... but if a Category III emerges from the waters between you and your boyfriend, you just might find you get what you need.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so first- my apologies on the long wait! A lot of stressful life stuff has cropped up that I've needed to deal with, and in the middle of that, I found that while editing this chapter, about half of what I had just needed to be completely redone. So it was less like a quick 'edit and post' and more like struggling to find time when I could tackle a total rewrite.
> 
> Normally I like for that not to happen, but... well, you deal with what happens in these cases, I guess, and the rewritten chapter is definitely better than the choppy, rushed-sounding first draft.

By Hermann's birthday, he's no closer to Newt than he was nearly half a year prior, though their frequent Skype dates at least keep them firmly in touch, at least let them familiarize themselves with each other's bodies a little, and with each other's thoughts.

 

His gift is ridiculous, an enormous plush rabbit, soft and black, with a big red and blue ribbon on one ear, round tag proclaiming 'Poteusa Loppy'. There is a box of little chocolate-biscuit things as well, tiny mushroom-shaped things, and Newt laughs at Hermann's expression when he pulls the rabbit out of the box. As silly as it is when it comes to gifts to receive as a grown man, the stuffed toy is actually the right size to bolster Hermann's arm when he's working on his laptop, with just the right amount of give, and Newt promises there's a 'real gift' that's in the works, something that had fallen through, leaving him to find a last minute thing to put in the package.

 

Hermann doesn't mind that the gift is ridiculous. Even if it hadn't been practical, even if it hadn't taken the strain off of his shoulder after a long day of reaching to write across the top of a room-sized chalkboard, it's nice to have something to cuddle sometimes, when he doesn't have Newt. Just to be able to squeeze something in his arms after they hang up at night, and no one needs to know about it, save Newt and himself. Newt almost always wears his Godzilla shirt from Hermann to bed, and in return, Hermann keeps the rabbit propped up under his forearm, citing its practical use even with Newt. The 'real' gift comes not long after, a film about the history of flight-- it covers the middle years, and even though it stops just before a real push for manned spaceflight, Hermann loves it

 

He campaigns even harder for the Tokyo transfer as summer draws to a close, citing the more temperate winter, but Tokyo doesn't need him, and when the PPDC tries to offer him a transfer to Sydney instead of the winter is going to be too hard for him, Hermann declines. Vladivostok is as close as he can be to Tokyo. He can bundle up against the cold.

 

When Raythe hits, it's just about a year since he's been able to reach out and touch Newt, and it's a tense night, half his attention on monitoring the fight, half on an emergency call to Newt. The Okhotsk Sea lies between Russia and Japan, and he knows they're both dreading the thought of hearing that the kaiju might be heading towards the other, but in the end, it's less of a fight than Yamarashi had been, and it doesn't even make land.

 

Two days later, Hermann is waiting out by the helipad, gripping his cane with one hand and the hood of his overcoat with the other, to keep it from being whipped back by the wind. Vladivostok has the kaiju remains-- at least, a significant portion-- and Newt has been personally requested to look at them. Hermann is determined to be the first to greet him. As soon as the rotors slow, he starts towards the helicopter, as fast as he dares move with patches of ice all around. He knows Newt before he can make out any features, knows him by the way he moves. Newt's legs are still unsteady from the nerve-wracking ride when he propels himself out of the helicopter, but he refuses to be slowed, even when the swing of his big duffle bag threatens to topple him.

 

The bag hits the ground when he and Hermann reach each other at last, and Hermann is surprised he doesn't completely lose his cane in the excitement of being flung together, a clash of limbs and bodies and faces.

 

"Newton, my Newton..." Hermann whispers, his lips at Newt's ear, words for him alone in the midst of all the general hustle around them. "It's been  far too long..."

 

"I'm not leaving without you." Newt insists, face buried in Hermann's hood. It's cozy there, and the winds don't bite at him, but it's not exactly a practical long-term solution, and when Newt pulls away to grab his bag again, Hermann puts off the young man who'd come up to help show Newt to his temporary quarters.

 

He takes Newt to his own instead, to help him get his things put away.

 

Or, to kiss him the moment the door is closed. They'd been given such a limited time to enjoy and explore each other before, and with a new kaiju to work on, he knows they'll have precious little time  together now.

 

"I worried..." Hermann admits, sagging against Newt.

 

"So did I." It's Newt's turn, to whisper in Hermann's ear, and in here it isn't necessary, but he does it just the same, nuzzling at the hinge of Hermann's jaw a moment. "So afraid for you..."

 

"I can't get that bloody transfer, I've been trying all year to... They almost sent me to Sydney instead."

 

"I wouldn't mind going back to Sydney." Newt chuckles. "Lots of memories in Sydney. They can send me anywhere as long as it's with you."

 

“I-- I know you must be itching to get to that kaiju…” Hermann laughs weakly, pulling back, but not far.

 

“Not as much as I’ve been itching to get to you. But… work has to come first. Dinner, though? And then back to your place?”

 

“I shall pick you up at seven o’clock sharp.” Hermann smiles, stroking Newt’s cheek. “For the best the mess hall has to offer.”

 

They fall into a debate on the walk down to the labs, the energy between them high and electrified, and it’s a shame to have to part when they reach the door of the bio lab, but everything Hermann’s said has sparked ideas in Newt’s brain, and he’s got to get them put into action while it’s all fresh.

 

“I’ll show you. We’re gonna see who’s right and who’s wrong tonight, buddy.” He pokes Hermann’s chest, grinning at the secret little smile that Hermann flashes just for him. 

 

“Yes, do try and find a shred of scientific evidence to back up your outlandish theories, Dr. Geiszler.”

 

“Oh, I will.”

 

“Seven o’clock.” Hermann reminds him. “Sharp. I’ll come by to entertain your ramblings.”

 

“I’ll entertain you.” Newt says, the words less than even mildly threatening when they actually come out.

 

“I’m sure you will.” Hermann raises an eyebrow, leaving Newt to slink back into the lab with a grumble, and to throw himself into his work.

 

Hermann’s own work flies faster, between being able to talk to Newt about their shared goals and separate projects, and between just the lightness that fills him at having Newt only a laboratory away. When seven comes, he expects to find Newt still suited up to deal with the hazardous samples, but instead, those are all in their tanks save for a small slab, hardly any of the usual precautions seem to be in place, and Newton has some sort of machine set up near it in the center lab table, the thing looking like a cross between a vacuum, an electric kettle, and various bits that Hermann can’t even mentally place, as well as an enormous needle connected to what would have been the 'vacuum' tank. None of it looks like a machine that will hold together on its own if tasked with… anything. 

 

The other biologists are all standing behind thick, clear shields.

 

“Newton!” 

 

“Hermann! Dude-- Wait, is it seven? Uh… I’m gonna need you to step back behind Sergei, okay?” He nods, voice only slightly muffled by the filter mask he has on.

 

“That is absolutely not ‘okay’, this isn’t--”

 

“A super delicate procedure with equipment I had to rebuild with some spare parts after it was damaged in transit? It is.”

 

Sergei darts out from behind his shield to drag Hermann back with him, and another biologist that Hermann doesn’t know. He’s pinned between the two of them, the shield keeping him from reaching forward, but doing nothing to block his view as Newton, his safety gear at a bare minimum.

 

The scientist who isn’t Sergei hands Hermann a mask, with a mumbled ‘just in case’, and he feels numb. They wind up pulling it onto him as he watches, pressing up close to the shield, a desperate tug in his chest.

 

He knows that Newt has been working on this ‘milking machine’, he can only assume that it looked better before being damaged between Tokyo and Vladivostok, but it certainly doesn’t look safe now. 

 

Even with the mask in place, though, he can tell when Newt grins over at him, before flicking the switch. 

 

There’s a hum and a sick squelching sound, and a rattle that has even Newt cringing a little, but then there’s a ding, and Newt unhooks the machine from slab and canister alike, handing it off to the first hazmat-suited biologist to scurry out from behind a shield. 

 

“Step one!” Newt crows, though no one removes any safety gear. “Yana, get that into the machine I showed you, don’t switch anything on yet. Greg, let’s get this sample scanned!”

 

Hermann understands none of what’s going on, as the flutter of activity commences, the biologists moving at every word and wave of the hand while Newt directs them, as they all take readings and use various pieces of equipment to study the sample they have out, even cutting smaller pieces from it for in-depth study. 

 

At Newt’s cheer, everyone relaxes. There are a few smaller victory whoops, though no one matches the first burst of enthusiasm-- most feel relief first and foremost, and Hermann sides with them. Nothing had gone wrong, and no one had been exposed to the toxins, and now it seemed they could rest assured no one would.

 

Newt strips out of his gloves first, pulling off his mask and goggles and moving to Hermann’s side.

 

“Sorry about-- Yeah. Sorry. If someone hadn’t  busted everything up on the way here, I’d have been done way before seven.” He groans a little, at the mere thought of whoever had been responsible for the damage to his machine. “This was the first test with a fresh sample, it’s… You know? There was a little question of whether it would work on a kaiju that had just been put down, or if the only reason the first round of tests were working was that all the samples had just… like, dried out, so to speak. Sorry, are you really hungry right now?”

 

“... I used to be.” Hermann wrinkles his nose, watching as the now-detoxified slab of kaiju is moved into a fresh tank.

 

“You get used to the stink.” Newt promises. 

 

“I’d really rather not.”

 

“Then let’s get out of here.” He grins, offering his arm. His glasses are askew from the goggles he’d had on over them, and Hermann reaches up to straighten those first, before letting Newt escort him down the hall.

 

Really, it’s Hermann’s job to escort Newt, seeing as it’s his home Shatterdome, but then, they tend to be built rather alike. They walk alongside each other, and it’s no difficult task to find the right direction even without Hermann’s guidance.

 

“It was a little terrifying.” Hermann admits, after a while. 

 

“I’ve been keeping you up to date on every step, I mean-- like, you know it worked on the Tokyo samples.”

 

“I know it worked on those, but I had never seen it before.” He shrugs. “Or heard it. That rattling sound…”

 

“Yeah, once it's had a very thorough scrubbing down, I’m gonna have to go in and find out if anything needs tightening, that was not ideal. But for a quick fix--”

 

“Newton.” He stops them, just short of the mess hall, releasing Newt’s arm so that they can face each other.. “No quick fixes. I know all of our work is time sensitive, but-- If anything had gone wrong-- No quick fixes. If something needs repairing, _especially_ something meant to pump kaiju toxins, ever, at all… _Please_. Next time you need to repair any of your equipment, call for someone from engineering to spot you and take your time with it.”

 

“Well, I don’t need help from engineering.” Newt makes a face, his hands on his hips. “I’m a very capable engineer in my own right.”

 

“Take your time with your repairs.” Hermann sighs. “I don’t want-- If that rattle had been _serious_ …”

 

Newt’s expression goes from annoyed and defiant to an apologetic little pout, his shoulders coming in and up towards his ears, hands slipping down into his pockets. “I thought I could get it all done quick and we’d be finished by seven.”

 

“Oh for-- Bloody hell, Newton… Don’t risk your life for a dinner date. You can call me to come back in an hour’s time if you need to. Or you can take a break between repairing the equipment and running the experiment, I’m sure the rest of the lab would make good use of a dinner break, but don’t-- Just don’t get into any trouble, and certainly not for me. The last thing I want is to walk into that lab and see you’ve blown something up or-- or--”

 

“Or turned myself into a hideous half-kaiju freak?” Newt jokes, smiling cautiously at first and then grinning when Hermann snorts.

 

“A bit late for that.” He strokes Newt’s forearm, tracing the tattoo there. “I don’t want to come in and find you hurt.”

 

“I’ll take more time, then. Promise. Anyway, after dinner we can work on separating out and studying the toxin itself, separate from the rest of the Blue, and we’ll be sending data to the Sydney lab, they’re working on antidotes or… antivenom? Well, until we know the exact nature of the toxin, there’s a lot we don’t know about how to help victims, but the Sydney lab is working on how to save anyone who’s been affected but has managed to hold on this long-- or how to help anyone who gets infected in a future attack. It’s a lot fewer people each time it happens, now that the Jaeger program’s up and running, and the alarm system is even better at long-range detection… Hopefully whoever handles shipping any serum we can get is going to be more careful than the asshole who brought my machine up here.”

 

“You’ll get everything packed carefully. Sydney’s going to be glad to get anything new on that front.”

 

“Yeah, I’m emailing notes on the whole process, and I had an official courier dude take blueprints so that Sydney can set up a milking machine of their own. If every lab could have one, then I wouldn’t need to worry about moving mine with me and…”

 

“Of course.” Hermann nods, his hand moving to the small of Newt’s back to usher him into the mess at last.

 

Newt looks very carefully over all the dinner offerings out, before settling on lots of bread and meatballs, and a mug of the cabbage soup that Hermann serves him. Hermann opts for the soup as more of a main course, along with a small scoop of a potato salad.

 

“What’s in that?” Newt leans forward to peer at the salad, once they’re both seated with their trays.

 

“Potato.”

 

Newt makes a face at him. “Yeah, genius, what’s the other stuff? Do I want it?”

 

“Egg. Ham. Pickles.” Hermann shrugs. “It’s not too different from what I’m used to… well, my mother never would have used  ham .”

 

Newt sits back, from where his spoon had been poised to steal a taste, and he freezes. “What’s in the soup?”

 

“Cabbage.”

 

“Oh, ha ha, Hermann.”

 

“Carrots. Onions. Apple, I think. Chicken stock, most likely.”

 

Newt prods at his pile of meatballs. “What’s in these?”

 

“Oh for pity’s sake, Newton, you picked them. I don’t know! Beef and pork, probably.”

 

Newt frowns, hunching over his tray and dunking torn off pieces of bread into his soup. 

 

“Would you like me to ask?” Hermann offers gently.

 

Newt just nods, and Hermann gets up. When he returns, he has another plate, trading it for Newt’s. 

 

“These have potato and beef.” He promises, placing the dumplings in front of Newt and taking the meatballs. Newt smiles up at him. 

 

“Thanks, Hermann.”

 

“You’re very welcome.” Hermann smiles back, and once he’s seated, his foot rests against Newt’s beneath the table.

 

"Y'know... all that has to happen for phase two tonight is the machine going on, and that one didn't need any last-minute repairs... I mean, they don't need me until tomorrow morning, for the rest." Newt offers, glancing up at Hermann.

 

"I _have_ already arranged to take the evening off tonight." Hermann grins.

 

Newt listens to Hermann talk about his own work, on the walk back to Hermann's little suite of rooms-- not a full family suite, but he has an attached bath, and a real bed, and everything inside is just so Hermann, all the things he hadn't been able to focus on when Hermann was the only thing... He sees the stuffed rabbit at the head of the bed where Hermann leans on it to use his laptop at night, and a couple of framed posters-- one of a brightly colored fractal formation, one of the night sky over the Alps. It feels like a very Hermann thing to frame posters at all, Newt can imagine Hermann having framed all his posters as a child, even, and Newt still only sticks all his own up with Scotch tape. The bed is inviting, a thick comforter and flannel sheets, and Hermann beckons him to it with a warm smile.

 

"Come make yourself comfortable?"

 

Newt beams.

 

For a long moment, hands are everywhere, Hermann's mouth is hot over Newt's own, and Hermann's body presses flush to his, and it's Hermann who loosens Newt's tie and untucks his shirt, and Hermann who undoes his belt, but everything else is left to Newt's discretion. 

 

He strips down to his underthings, and watches as Hermann rushes to do the same, the job already started anywhere Newt's hands could find something to unfasten.

 

"C'mere. Squeeze this, I never showed you this." Newt guides Hermann's hand to the front of a tight pair of boxer-briefs, not like the usual favorites he tended to wear while talking to Hermann over Skype, the loose boxers with movie monsters and superheroes and cartoon characters splashed across them in bright colors. 

 

Hermann likes the tight ones. They do still have a Captain America shield on them, and at first he assumes the bulge at the front is illusory, empty fabric structured to hold something up that Newt lacks, but there's definitely something solid under, when his hand meets it, and Newt... Newt is giddy, almost giggling, at Hermann's confused expression.

 

"How real does it feel, though?" Newt pulls the prosthetic phallus out for Hermann's inspection. Not so different from some of the things he's pulled out of his 'cock box' over video chats, except it's completely soft. 

 

"Very." Hermann weighs it in his hand a moment, turns it over. "It's... nice."

 

"Sometimes I like to be packing a little something. It makes a serious difference. And I don't think people even realize it does-- In the whole of my professional career of wearing fairly snug pants and telling people to be smarter, I've never gotten any flack for it not being there or anything? But when I walk into my first day in a lab wearing extra tight pants and a good-sized cock-- I mean, a limp cock, obviously-- I mean, it makes a difference. And I don't know if it's just because my posture is different or what, or if it really is a dominance deal, all I know is, day one, come in with my biggest packer and tightest pants and start giving orders, and I get way less opposition throughout whatever project I'm leading."

 

"Mm. Well, you can tell me all about-- When you say 'biggest', you have others like this?"

 

He nods. "Sure. I've got one that's-- Have I not told you about the pee funnel one, either? It's not as comfortable to just wear, for me, I just keep it hanging up in a shower caddy in my bathroom for easy use. And then I've got a big one for when I need to have the biggest dick in the room. Or to be the biggest dick in the room. For meetings and first days and review boards and all that crap. That's this one. And then I've got one that's smaller that I just personally really like the feel of some days. And some days I don't wear one at all because I don't need it for me... but some days it just feels nice to have a little something there, so I've got a couple. I showed you all the sexy ones, did I show you my harnesses?"

 

"Plural?" Hermann's eyes widen. "You wore one for me, for... that one call."

 

Hermann blushes faintly, at the memory of it. Newt had been sitting in bed with his blanket over his lap and a bag of chips at his side, and no indication that the call would be sexual at all, much less what it had been... and then he'd pulled his shirt up just a bit, up to show off as much of himself as he was comfortable with, had thrown the blanket off his lap to show Hermann the straps of leather cutting across the pale skin of his hips... the fantasies he'd talked Hermann through as he'd stroked the largest toy he'd had, the promise of using it on him as soon as they could get a transfer worked out, as soon as they could be together again... And the way he'd described how it felt to wear, the little bit of friction and pressure on his end, and how it would be so much better together...

 

"Ah, yeah. I didn't pack that one. I mean, it's... It's pretty good for some things, but oh man. I'm glad I got it all adjusted before I even called you, because that sucker takes some work. I did pack one, though. Um, did you want me to get that out?"

 

"Next time." Hermann pats the bed. "Next time, I am all yours, for any toys or pieces of equipment you have to share. I look forward to all of it. But I've been dreaming about sucking you off."

 

"Sweet. Wait-- Close your eyes?"

 

Hermann does, and he listens to Newt strip out of his binder, listens as he stretches and coughs and digs through his bag, to the soft rustle as he finds a tee shirt. 

 

"Okay." Newt swallows. "Open."

 

Hermann does that as well, surprised to see Newt's bare back and not the tee shirt already in place. It's a very nice view, and he watches Newt pull his Godzilla shirt on from behind, most of his focus sliding down to Newt's ass anyway. He directs his attention back up, as Newt turns around.

 

"One of these days you can see all of me." Newt offers, half apologetic. "I just... I want tonight to be good, and I get nervous about... But hey. It's tonight. It's happening. You and me, yeah?"

 

"Yes." Hermann smiles, patting the bed again. As soon as Newt joins him, he pulls him in for a kiss, sliding one hand up a thigh. "Up at the head of the bed-- here, let's move the covers, we can make a tent to keep the warmth in... I don't know how you're not freezing."

 

"The heat's on." Newt chuckles. 

 

"It's always on. It's always freezing anyway."

 

"Aw, baby." Newt coos, moving up to sit at the head of Hermann's bed with his legs spread. "Should we be covering Loppy's eyes for this?"

 

"We'll be under the blankets." Hermann rolls his eyes, crawling in under the comforter and between Newt's legs, getting the covers tucked around them. He slides the hem of the tee shirt up, so that he can kiss his way down Newt's abdomen, the skin so pale in contrast with the warm, healthy glow and dash of freckles across his face and arms-- well, the freckles on Newt's arms have largely disappeared the more his tattoo sleeves have been filled out, and time in the lab has caused all of them to fade a little bit, but it still looks as though Newt gets a little more time in the sun than Hermann, at any rate. 

 

He thinks he'd like to take Newt to a beach someday-- on the Atlantic. Or at a lake. Slather some sunscreen on him and let the rest of his body see the sun. He knows it's not likely Newt will go shirtless anywhere, and maybe it would be too ridiculous to picture any kind of crop top on him, but his legs, at least... Hermann kisses Newt's thighs next, picturing it. Newt in a very brief pair of shorts and a tee shirt, strolling along the shore of a lake with him... the muscles of those thighs visible when he bursts into a sprint when something down the shore catches his interest-- or if there's an ice cream cart somewhere to catch up to. His knees... 

 

A vacation when all of this is over, something they can only do their best for. A lake, and thick, cool woods, and a little bed and breakfast, or maybe cabins to rent... A place where the water is calm and peaceful, instead of a source of looming anxiety. A place where they can rest against each other in the shade and read, or nap... And they will have had time together, to feel confident and comfortable, enough that Newt will slip into the bath with him...

 

Someday.

 

Until 'Someday' comes, Hermann has now, his kisses growing longer, wetter, and closer to Newt's stiffening cock. He kisses him there, too, before he takes him in, tasting him for the first time. It's not quite what he'd expected, and it is. It's not like the smell of pressing his face into the curve of Newt's neck, but it's still...

 

It's good-- under the circumstances, at least. It's sharp, and rich, and not too musky or particularly sweet, and whatever else it is, it goes straight to Hermann's head. This is his Newton, all his right now, and it's so easy to find what works for them both, now that they really are together. Hermann really does feel as if he could keep on going all night, if his own cock wasn't demanding attention, and if Newt wasn't pulling him away at last, thighs quivering so much that Hermann can see the jump of individual muscles.

 

He doesn't last long after switching places, but Newt doesn't let him feel bad about that for a moment, preening with pride over how quickly he'd gotten Hermann off. 

 

"And you--" Newt laughs, squeezing Hermann's hip very gently. "You told me you didn't think you were very good at giving head. I came, like, two and a half times and I had to stop."

 

"I didn't think I was that good." Hermann laughs as well. "It might have been a fluke."

 

"Yeah, yeah... Yeah, maybe, we should still, you should definitely get more practice. We wanna, um, be sure."

 

"Come here, your face is a mess." He pushes back the covers, shaking his head. "Bathroom. We'll clean up and brush our teeth and then turn in."

 

"Yeah? Is cuddling a part of this plan?"

 

Hermann nods, blushing at the grin Newt gives him. 

 

He can wait for 'Someday', but he can't wait to keep on having now, with Newt warm and happy in his bed. The transfer will just have to happen...

 


	7. Los Angeles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Newt and Hermann wind up stateside, and wind up taking a little time off for personal matters while the Jaeger program is in full swing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something short and happy to celebrate my return to this fic

Hermann is never transferred to Tokyo, but he is transferred to LA, and Newt is only posted to Peru a week before he’s being sent to LA as well, where Clawhook is waiting for him to dissect. 

 

His third night in LA, Newt straps on his favorite cock-- at least, his favorite for this purpose-- the vibrating blue one that has exactly the desired effect on Hermann, and a pretty great effect on Newt as well, just from where the vibrations hit him. 

 

After, lying next to Hermann in bed-- Hermann’s bed, Hermann’s head against his shoulder, impossibly wonderful-- Newt tries to order his questions. 

 

“What are the projections looking like?”

 

“For the next attack?” Hermann lifts his head. “Seven months, maybe. Maybe six. I doubt we’ll see eight months without an attack, that’s Henderson’s estimate, but he’s… optimistic, more than accurate, more often than not now.”

 

“When I finish with Clawhook, there’s… there’s not a whole lot for me to do here.”

 

“You think they’ll move you back to Lima?” Hermann’s arm tightens around Newt’s waist.

 

“Actually, I… Dr. Alcuda is here in LA now instead of up in Alaska, and… I was thinking about talking with her about recommendations for surgery. Now that I know what my workload is like with and without fresh samples to work on, I mean… I’d be able to go back to work on my computer in two weeks, I’d be able to do heavier work two to four weeks later than that… and once all the scarring is as healed as it gets, I’d be able to get some ink to sort of cover it all up a little. I just… If I never had to worry about binding once I was done healing, and… Just… Fuck. Like, I thought I could deal with my chest for as long as I had to, but now I’m in a relationship and things are serious and I don’t want my body issues getting in the way of us. I want to be able to shower with my boyfriend, and I want to be able to sleep topless, or even, like, be naked during sex. I’m a lot better than I used to be about some things, but I know me, you know?” Newt gestures. “I’m never going to be okay with having huge fat deposits on my chest.”

 

From what Hermann has seen, he wouldn’t call them huge, to describe them to someone else, but if he imagines trying to get through his day with them, to describe the way they felt, he thinks he might say ‘huge’ as well. He doesn’t have the best idea of how big they are, he’s never seen them, he doesn’t really look at Newt’s chest when the binder is off, but he knows how Newt looks in nothing but a tee shirt tight across his chest.

 

“Once you’ve done everything you can with what you have of Clawhook, I think you could certainly take two weeks.” Hermann nods, relaxing. 

 

“The PPDC’s got a really good plan for stuff, I have money I’m not spending on food and rent, like… it’s kind of an ideal time.” Newt braves a smile. “If you say I’ve got time to take off for recovery.”

 

“I look forward to showering with you when all is said and done.” He kisses Newt’s cheek. “In fact, I look forward to showering with you before then-- tomorrow morning, to start. If... if that's all right.”

 

“The scars might be a little gnarly at first. Recovery is sometimes gross--” Newt bypasses the question of showering together in the morning, though Hermann can't tell if it's due to nerves at the prospect or just a desire to focus on the future.  


 

“I’m well aware. Newton… I will be here to help you through your recovery, however ‘gross’. Maybe someday you will return the favor, if I ever need… It’s likely that someday I’ll need…” Hermann trails off, and Newt turns to return the kiss. They’ve talked about surgery before, in the abstract. As something Newt knew he would want someday, as something Hermann had hoped to continue avoiding.

 

“Marry me.” He says, and it’s not how he’d planned to propose. He was going to get a ring, and say nice things, beautiful things. He was going to take Hermann on a real date first. 

 

“Newt--”

 

“You should.” Newt grabs Hermann’s hand, holds it tight. It’s too late to take it back, so he might as well roll with it. “They wouldn’t split us up again. And I’d be able to-- I’d take care of you if you ever needed me to. And I’ll need you, soon, more than usual. And I don’t want to go to Lima or Tokyo or anywhere without you, ever again. Fuck, Hermann, it’s like you get me. You get why I have these tattoos, you get how I tick, you… you work so hard to get the things other people don’t. And I like to think I get you, I sure as fuck try on my end when it’s not easy, but so much of it is easy with you. My life’s better with you. Let me make your life better. I will. I want you to meet my dad, I want-- and Mom, too, I guess. I mean, obviously she’d, you know, if we had a wedding, she would want to be there and she’d be happy about you, I think, I don’t know, but I know Dad will be happy, and I think Mom will, and-- I want a big fucking cake, okay, and I want to listen to our song, I want to do whatever you think is important, whatever kind of venue you want, and I want to come home to a bed with you every night of my life, I want to get save the world together and grow old together and… I want you, for the rest of however much I get.”

 

“Newton.” Hermann says firmly, pulls his hand out of Newt’s and rolls to the side with a little frown, and Newt is sure that no surgery on earth could hurt the way that does. “I-- oh, trust you to spoil things…”

 

“I-- But--” Newt gawps helplessly, as Hermann pushes himself up on one elbow, and he doesn’t know what he’ll do if Hermann leaves the bed, where would Hermann even go? But Hermann doesn’t get out of bed, just digs through his nightstand.

 

He rolls back over, a small velvet box in hand, a little crease between his eyebrows. “I’d planned a romantic evening around this, just so you know. I was going to do it properly.”

 

“What?” It comes out as something between a croak and a squeak, and Newt takes the box with shaking hands. It’s a ring, and Newt recognizes it immediately-- it’s the one he’d been thinking idly about, for Hermann, a band of meteorite alongside a band of fossilized bone, the perfect melding of their two worlds, which means it was nearly a thousand bucks that Hermann dropped on it. 

 

He fumbles it out of its box and realizes that with the engraving, it probably did come out closer to a thou, maybe over, and it says  Newton- Mein Herz , and Newt isn’t sure he’ll ever breathe properly again.

 

“And then you just blurt everything out--” The little crease on Hermann’s brow smooths, and his frown melts away as he pulls Newt close, kissing his cheeks, his forehead, his chin. “Yes. Darling Newton, yes, of course. I’m so tired of being split up… And so little is certain, at least this should be.”

 

“You just scared the shit out of me.” Newt whines, and Hermann finds his lips at last. 

 

“Oh-- I’m sorry…” Hermann says, and he sounds appropriately stricken at having caused a misunderstanding of that caliber. Enough that Newt can forgive him with another kiss. “Oh, Newton, I never meant--”

 

“Yeah.” Newt lets out a weak laugh. “Yeah, no, I get it now. I-- I was gonna get a ring before I-- I was thinking-- I wanted to get a ring like this one.”

 

Hermann grins at that, beautifully, one of those grins that swallows his entire face up with it, and he’s grinning too hard to kiss Newt properly again, so he just squeezes his hand. 

 

“You should.” He says at last. “And save yours, for the wedding, and-- and they’ll match. We’ll match.”

 

Hermann nods decisively, and Newt can’t help nodding along. 

 

“That’s a good plan." He tangles himself up with Hermann, snuggling into the crook of his neck with a warm sigh, the ring tight in his fist. 

 

 

He allows Hermann to take it back, after a while, and to place it back in its box with that promise of 'later', of saving it to be a wedding ring, and getting one to match, and how long had Hermann been saving? Had he allocated some other savings fund to ring buying, or had he known for a long time, or was he secretly weirdly well-off? Newt thinks Hermann would have told him, if it was the latter... Maybe he had started planning early on. Wartime romances and all... it wasn't that crazy, was it? Newt doesn't think it is, but then, he's aware that he's biased. He doesn't think he'd ever find someone like Hermann, someone he could trust the way he trusts Hermann, who would also trust him with all the things Hermann does. They have some different sets of issues, sure, but Newt's always thought that they complimented each other there. Even if they couldn't know what the other went through, they could come up with a rough analogue, they could empathize, offer a limited amount of understanding and an unlimited amount of caring. 

 

In the morning, Newt slips into the bathroom with Hermann, guides Hermann's hands to the hem of his tee shirt.

 

"So are we showering together?" He asks, and he knows he looks as nervous as he feels even with the grin he pastes in place, but Hermann doesn't call attention to the fact. Hermann pierces his ego when he needs it, but is remarkably good about leaving him his pride outside of the odd scientific argument.

 

Hermann kisses Newt's cheek, working his tee shirt up as high as he's seen it before, caressing his side down to his hip. "I would like that. Newton... We'll make this work. I know you're planning on getting the surgery soon anyway, but... we'll make this work today, and every day until you finish with Clawhook and get it scheduled. If it means you'd rather keep your back to me until you can dress again, I understand... and I can always scrub it for you, as long as you're facing the other way."

 

"Maybe most of the time, but... Like, it's you. I just wanna..." He shrugs. "I want to let it not matter for a little while? Like... I can't feel sexy without a shirt on, I can't relax and sleep without something, but a shower's different. I could do a shower."

 

"I'll still scrub your back if you want me to." Hermann smiles.

 

"Yeah, definitely. I'm holding you to that."

 

The shirt comes off, and Hermann keeps his eyes on Newt's face. Newt doesn't keep eye contact, just stays aware of where Hermann is looking out of the corner of his own eye, relaxing slowly. Hermann leans in and kisses his cheek again before getting the water started up, and they discuss plans for the day and the future. Newt is happy to spend most of his time with his back to Hermann-- Hermann's shower seat puts him too close to eye-level with Newt's chest otherwise-- but he doesn't worry so much about what Hermann sees while they towel off, and brush their teeth, and he calls Hermann's attention to the whole process of getting his binder on, without even a moment's thought to being nervous about Hermann seeing the inconvenient, soon-to-be-gone fat deposits themselves as he squishes everything into place.   


 

"Definitely gonna be good to have that surgery before the next one hits..." Newt says, smiling, as he buttons his shirt, dressing side by side with Hermann. "I'd always have to work my lab schedule around how long I could stay in the binder, or, like... come back in a baggy sweatshirt and a couple tank tops... fuckin' sports bras or whatever, if I had to keep working after changing out of it."

 

He slides his tie on, groaning good-naturedly when Hermann moves to fix it.

 

"That messy, loose knot was carefully cultivated, I'll have you know."

 

"But you look so _handsome_." Hermann teases, tugging him in for a proper kiss-- a slightly-longer-than-proper kiss. "My handsome fiance."

 

"Oh, fuck, my one weakness... Also, like... I gotta introduce you to my dad, we're fiances now, he should, like... He'll love you, though."

 

"Will he?" Hermann's easy mood had dipped into worry at the mention of introductions. 

 

"Yeah, he'll be crazy about you, you'll be his favorite person. I'll... I'll let Mom know, I guess, she'll probably show up for the wedding if we make a big deal of it and set a date and all that stuff. I mean, I-- I want that. Even just for a couple people, like, I want a cake, and music, and at least that handful of people toasting us and stuff. She'll... Ugh. She'll approve, I mean... Like, she's got no reason not to. She doesn't really 'get' me, that's all. Like, she tries I guess? She's not the worst or anything, it's just hard to have a conversation with her sometimes, she's... a lot of personality."

 

"Is that where you get it from, then?"

 

Newt rolls his eyes. "You'll see. But Dad will be great. Dad will-- Hey, you're sure, the next one won't be sooner than six months?"

 

"As sure as I can be of anything."

 

Newt nods. That's good enough for him. Anyone else would probably just say 'sure', or 'absolutely', but he doesn't take Hermann's lack of fully-committed language to mean he's not fully committed to the estimate. The prediction model is, as ever, a work in progress, but Hermann had said his predictions covered the 'soon as probable' end of things, and Newt trusts... well, Hermann.

 

"I'll see if I can get Dad to come visit, then. I mean... I'd like to have him here, when I go through with the surgery. Not that you can't provide totally enough hand-holding! It's just... I mean... You guys could meet in person, and just, Dad kind of started this whole journey with me, you know? He's been supportive about everything, and if it's going to be safe to be on the coast, even the nice hotels are dirt cheap, and..."

 

Hermann squeezes Newt's hand, before they both turn to finish dressing. "It will be safe. And... if you say he'll be glad to meet me, then I look forward to it."

 

"I'm gonna see about setting up a call during lunch. Probably Skype? So... If you wanna be there when I unveil the whole 'engaged' thing." Newt bounces on the balls of his feet, and Hermann straightens his vest before turning to rest his hands on Newt's shoulders, letting the gentle pressure calm him.

 

"I wouldn't miss it for the world."


	8. The Whirlwind Picks Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot that needs to happen before another kaiju can hit. Newt's surgery is neither the first nor the last... but, he'd be lying if he said it wasn't pretty momentous.
> 
> Still, before that can happen, first thing's first.

Newt can't afford to order Hermann's ring yet, let alone get it engraved. He promises, between fervent kisses, that he will do both, someday.

 

"They're going to match." He whispers. "We're going to match."

 

"It can wait." Hermann agrees. Most things can-- even if they'd ordered it right away, the ring itself wouldn't be there in time for the vows and the paperwork. They agree while waiting to be able to schedule a skype call to Boston that it's important they do those two things right away. Before the surgery, anyway, because Hermann isn't about to let anyone keep him out of the recovery room when Newt gets out of the OR, and they need to let the PPDC know before they come back from their sabbatical-of-sorts that they'll be returning as a married couple.

 

They'll have one ring, though, and it'll be enough. They'll have a reception when there's another lull, when the other ring arrives and when they can get together with everyone they want to celebrate with. Maybe they won't have a honeymoon until it's all over, but it doesn't matter. They'll be married, and everything else will happen when it happens.

 

When the call does happen, Hermann finds himself shrinking out of frame as Newt and his father bubble over with a shared joy at seeing each others' faces again, finds himself shaking as Newt makes the introductions, but Jacob is so genuinely warm in greeting him that Hermann can't stay nervous.

 

He blurts out a request for Newt's hand in marriage. Newt counters with the fact that he'd technically proposed first. Jacob laughs and cries and shakes his head and nods, all in one mess of joyous emotion.

 

"Not that I would want to, but if Newt had his heart set on marrying you, I wouldn't be able to stop him." He says at last, pushing his glasses up to dab at his eyes. "Welcome to the family, Hermann."

 

"We'd like you to come out to LA." Newt adds. "I-- um, I-- I'm getting the, uh, the surgery we talked about? Hermann works on predicting the kaiju attacks for the PPDC, it's safe to travel here, just-- just long enough to be there for the thing, the things. We're getting the legal part done right away. Before the surgery. Don't worry, I promise we'll have a real wedding when we can, in Boston or Berlin or somewhere, with relatives and everything, and-- like, even maybe some semi-religious stuff, we haven't planned that far, but we'll have a reception and we'll do everything right, it's just--"

 

"It has to happen before the surgery." Jacob nods. "I understand. I'll definitely come, I wouldn't miss this for the world-- even if there is going to be a wedding for family later. I'm going to be there for both. And when you get out of surgery. Your uncle is swamped right now, or I'm sure he'd want to come, too... I'll let him know, he'll send his love, and he'll probably want to throw the reception for you when you are able to have it... you might not want to let him play DJ, if you want music you can slow dance to, but..."

 

Newt laughs. "Yeah. Well you guys can help us with planning, when the time comes. I'd like that a lot. I've-- I've got a good surgeon. My primary physician, she recommended this dude, and I trust her, and she's stationed at the LA Shatterdome so, like... so it's good right now. I've got time to recover before they'll need me to do any lab work, I can take a break and then do paperwork and light stuff, and... it's just-- the timing is really good. I feel really good about it. I know what I want done, and I know how it's gonna work, and it's really pretty basic stuff, like-- so you know, don't go worrying or anything. But it does mean a lot to me to have you come."

 

"To me, too. You know, the house is quiet without you barging in after work to tell us about your research." Jacob smiles warmly, sniffing. "Or thundering downstairs to tell me about the latest thing Hermann said to you." He turns slightly, to look at Hermann. "You're about the only thing Newt talked about more than the kaiju since Trespasser hit, you know. Well... maybe fifty-fifty."

 

Newt blushes and shrugs, and Hermann slips an arm around him. "Knowing Newt, that's a flattering ratio. It's been wonderful meeting you, I look forward to-- ah, I guess to meeting you in person. We'll handle accommodations, don't worry about a hotel-- I think the best plan will be to get a suite so that Newt will have somewhere more comfortable than the Shatterdome to recuperate between the hospital and getting back to work, and so we'll both be close at hand just for the first stretch."

 

"Yes, it's good to have a face and a voice to put to all the stories from Newt. I'll let you know when I have a flight, but I'm sure you're right about the suite. I want to be close. We can split the cost, I don't want you to go to too much expense when you have the surgery to worry about--"

 

"Oh, no, hotels are dirt cheap here." Newt shakes his head. "You handle the flight and we can afford, like-- dude. You wouldn't believe, it costs nothing to get a good room on the west coast now."

 

Jacob nods. "All right then. I'll just let you know when I'll arrive and we'll work everything out. I can't wait to see you... really see you. I'm proud of you, Newt, I really am-- we worry, but we're both, we're all proud. And now, married..." He wipes at his eyes again. Newt mirrors the gesture, his own glasses sitting askew when he's done. "I'll get a flight as soon as I can."

 

\---/-/---

 

Flights still run to the coast, if not as often as they once did in most places... still, when they do, seats on them are easy to come by. As much as Newt hates waiting between the skype call and his dad's arrival, it really isn't that long before he and Hermann are getting a hotel suite booked and meeting Jacob at the airport.

 

Hermann is surprised to be included in the round of hugs, but it's a nice surprise, and he finds himself smiling broadly through the whole of the brief cab trip back to the hotel, with Newt happily sandwiched between fiance and father, chatting up a storm as he updates Jacob on every little thing he can think of.

 

"After I rest a bit, I'd really love to take you two out to dinner." Jacob says, when he finally manages to get a word in edgewise, Newt's rapid-fire barrage halting.

 

"Yeah? Cool! There are still some good restaurants running. Maybe not as good as they used to be, but still good! Well, we can take our pick later, but yeah, you're right, you had a long trip, you should rest! Then we'll celebrate. And then tomorrow's the big day, for the, um-- the wedding, everything's all set! No dress code."

 

"I packed my white tie and tails for nothing?" Jacob rolls his eyes, smiling. "All right, well, then it's a good thing we're going to celebrate tonight, call it a rehearsal dinner."

 

Newt insists upon carrying as much of Jacob's luggage as physically possible, though Jacob insists upon handling the laptop bag if Newt is going to carry everything else he'd packed for an extended trip, and once they reach the suite, he throws himself in to showing the place off, giving his father the grand tour, from the sitting room with fireplace and a balcony overlooking the-- closed, drained-- pool, to the sleek little kitchenette, tiny but workable, and finally to the second of the two bedrooms, with its own small private bath.

 

"We called the big one. Since it's my honeymoon and also I'm going to be stuck in that bed recovering... but they're both good. TV, places to put everything... The view's not much now, but can you believe this place? Like, legit stars have probably stayed here, and we can afford to now? Like, I know, I know, the kaiju menace has not been a good thing for the local economy as a whole, but I gotta find a bright side if I don't wanna go crazy, so-- this is the bright side! We're staying in the lap of luxury."

 

Jacob pulls Newt in for a hard hug, patting his back.

 

"It's nice there's a place to cook, I don't want you living off of fast food while you're recovering from surgery."

 

"Yeah, neither does Dr. Alcuda." Newt shrugs, but his cool facade cracks almost immediately into an enormous grin. "Do I get chicken soup?"

 

"Until you're sick of it."

 

"Never." He shakes his head, leaning in for another hug. "I really missed being able to come to you for a home-cooked meal, going from base to base. I got to eat out at some amazing places all over, but... the food in the 'dome itself is always kind of, like... I mean it's not bad, usually, but it's not good, usually, either. Not like-- I just... I miss that. Real food at home. A real home."

 

"Well... when you have to go back, at least you'll have Hermann to make it a real home for you. Even if you're both stuck with the food they have. Of course, I could teach him a few recipes if he likes to cook. You two will have a place that's just yours someday..."

 

"Yeah... someday." He nods. "Real kitchen. We'll cook for each other. Be nice if we could settle down in Boston and still come over anyway. You could come over to our place. We'd cook for you, too. It'd be really nice..."

 

"It would be." Jacob gives him one last squeeze before nudging him towards the door. "I've got to nap, kiddo, but I promise we'll have plenty of time to catch up before I have to go. And plenty of time for you to get some good, familiar home-cooked meals."

 

Newt grins, giving his dad a little wave and leaving him to sleep off his trip, finding Hermann on the balcony.

 

"Whatcha thinking about?" He slips out to join him, winding an arm around Hermann's waist.

 

"Nothing, really. Just... how nice it is. How-- how happy I am. How strange it is that I am so happy, that something so terrible had to happen for me to find what makes me happy. But it did happen, I can't sacrifice my happiness to undo it, there's no point in not being happy in the face of it. If anything... if anything, it's more important, to be happy now, no matter what. But... it's more than I dreamed, before. I found you in all this. I love you. I'm marrying the man of my dreams, you're continuing to shape yourself into the man you've always dreamed of being. I'm about to have a far better father-in-law than I would ever have dreamed of, and sorry to say you won't enjoy the same perk." Hermann snorts. "Here we are in a hotel I wouldn't have dreamt of staying in if it hadn't been for the kaiju, either, looking out at palm trees and lounge chairs and bright blue skies, and we have an enormous bathtub with jets, space to relax and time... time to put ourselves first even with all of this. Even if just for a little while now. So I am happy. I'm awfully happy. And I won't feel guilty for it."

 

"Good." Newt squeezes him. "Care to continue not feeling guilty in that enormous bathtub with the jets? I might sit on the edge and rub your feet. But things are about to be all about me while I heal up, so... how about a turn to pamper Hermann, huh? Take care of those joints?"

 

"It's a tempting offer..."

 

"Give into temptation." He grins wolfishly, and Hermann laughs, melting into his arms just enough to let him know he doesn't have to work to convince him.

 


End file.
